Between Light and Dark

[starcrossedx]

"Do you still want to fuck me?"

That was the first text I sent M after nearly 2 years. They say when you are broken, you do stupid things. I did.

I'm in my early 30s. I finally got into a 2 year long relationship after nearly a 8 year hiatus, and 2 years into the relationship I'd found out I was the third party all along, that he was cheating on me. And 1 year down the road, I found myself fully shattered.

I'd knew M from some dating app 2 years ago, just about the same time I'd know my ex. But because we started dating, I cut off contact from M. I remembered meeting M for dinner once, and I was totally smitten by M. M wasn't exactly good looking. But there's this primitive charm on him, especially the way he eats his beef, and the way he talks. I wanted to be that beef on his plate. (Of course, I didnt say that out!) We sext 2 years ago, but things never got physical because I cut off all contacts. And another thing about Max? He loves plus size girls.

Just a little about me.
Early 30s, plus size. I'm not exactly a huge fan of sex, at least up till a few months ago. I lead a boring life, watches porn occasionally to DIY, get it done with within minutes and sleep. But with the failed relationship, I started changing, without myself realising it.

M, was the key to the pandora's box hidden deep within me.

After the text, it didn't take long for M to remember who I am. And, it only took afew days for him to get a room in one of those hotels near the east side. And in between the few days, I was fighting with myself. End of the day, I justified everything by telling myself "surely there must be a reason why I kept his goddamned number till now!"

Maybe the fuck was meant to happen 2 years ago but it didn't, so it still has to happen now!

A day before meeting M, I had one of the largest fight ever with my already ex-boyfriend. I was determined to make him feel even more guilty than he already is. I was determined to go get fucked by M to prove that somehow, I am still not that undesirable. After all, what can go wrong?

At my age... a fling SHOULD only be a fling.

I had intended for it to be a one time thing afterall. Maybe if it's good, we might fuck again. And if it's not good..... I'll just find somewhere to hide. Thoughts start to drown me.

"Ok... calm down XXX, you might not even make it to the hotel! The last time you ran off at the restaurant!"

- And in response to this silent thought, M actually booked the hotel for the entire day so I could check in first and chill while waiting for him to end work.

"Ok.... it's only going to be a one off thing, why you so worried? Not like you never fuck before right?"

- And in response to this, the truth was, I've not fucked in a long long long time. Because life has been so overwhelming with work and other issues. I didn't even have the guts to run a shaver over my privates because its been so long since i shaved!

"OK..... JUST DO IT."

[WierdNick]

Er??

Is this story telling?

[unsanea]

Nice start TS, please continue