Confession of a bastard

[Freman]

erm,

it's not a story, and ending is unknown, I only bumped into adeline last Thursday night.....

anyway, for bros who is camping here for sex stories, sorry to disappoint... I just need to get this off my chest cos it has really been troubling me all these years....

whatever you do, (if you like my confession, up me), please do not up me because you think that this is a cool thing to do to a young girl....

and for those bros who asked me for contact..... yes, I'll ask satan to add a sofa in my spot so that you can join me there one day...

[Freman]

btw, something did happened on Friday (as fate has it),
I shall write it down once I find time to word it properly.

[HuiGe3387]

Please continue story. Everyone makes mistakes in their life. Move on.

[gokkunbazooka]

Bro Freman,

Regret is something that many of us would have, especially when it comes to taking advantage of a chick to satisfy our sexual urge. Many of us (including myself) share the same regrets. You're one brave soul to come forward to confess your guilt.

As such, I do the same as yourself now, declare my marital status to newly acquainted chicks and if they do wish to continue "knowing" me, I take it that they are willing "participants".

I believe that whatever we do (to a WL or newly acquainted chick), we just have to make sure that we have the safety interest for our better half. As for myself, I make sure that I use a condom EVERYTIME for every WL or GF, so that I do not pass on any nonsense to my wife. Even when I'm doing it with my wife, I use protection and she does not do BBBJ. We do not have kids yet, but I'll definitely get myself checked thoroughly before even doing it raw with my wife.

[forumer]

applaude you for your honesty

[Freman]

Part II
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erm... shit !! she's my co-worker ? friends ? friend's wife ? wife's friend ? in-laws ? na bei, picture so small can still recognised me.

in all honestly, I was frighten that after so many years of cheonging, my cover was finally blown. It would be an disgrace, what if my wife gets to know it eventually...

"do you remember ever meeting a 16 young old girl, maybe 7-8 years ago ?, I used to stay in queenstown, and etc etc etc...."

for a moment, I was confused, hmmm.. what girl ? 8 years ago ?? OMG, *alarm bells were setting off*... there could only be 1 person ....

"hmmm.. I guessed you don't remember..... I used to know a WILLIAM back then too, he looks like you"

should I jump out from hiding ? and shout "da da". How was I expecting her to react ?

I said "erm... I'm not sure... (trying to delay the moment) ... I think maybe we met before lor.... (and again) so small photo you can tell meh ?"

"OMG, you're really WILLIAM... my goodness.... how ARE you !!! all these years.... MIA ah ? so I'm right *grin*"

geesshh, I was half expecting her to either block me... or go at me like a beast .... this is not the reaction I expected. After all, didn't I ? yes yes, I was the bastard. Maybe this was a case of mistaken identity.

I asked "but just now you say your name not adeline mah...."

I've blown my cover. She no longer uses that name, a name that only I (or any other 8 years ago FBs) could have known.

This whole thing is throwing me off course, all those nights of self regret and imagination at how revenge would come. This was all wrong.

Further chatting that night revealed more abt what happened to her. After the pregnancy case, (she aborted it), she sunk even lower into all sort of mess. And somehow, she manages to go through poly, then her first job. Then to a part time degree course (which she just completed).

No wonder I couldn't tell from her voice. The ah-lian from my past have transformed herself. While she used to use alot of chinese and singlish in the past, she uses English nowadays. And her background, gosh, was so different. No longer the problem kid from a broken family, she now has a career... and also... as I later found out, a fiancee.

We chatted on for a while, it was around coming to 4 in the morning.... "don't you need to sleep or something ?", oh no, there's a test on Sat, she's on study leave.... and she pops the question "free for lunch tomorrow ? I mean today.."

hmm.. ahh.. maybe she plans to lure me out and ambuse me, and then get her brother, uncle to dispose of my body.

Got test right ? so free ah ?? no need to studying ?? "still have to eat right ?"

so that was how it went. After we went offline, I still wasn't able to sleep. I was staring at my ceiling and thinking. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind. Before long, I can hear the familiar rumble of the SBS buses... the first ray of light, yup... this is gonna be a interesting day....

-----------------------------------------------------------------
and so it was, that I met her for lunch.....
then for drinks....
the memory is still fresh in my mind... at this point, only 48 hours ago....

[Freman]

not very sleepy, maybe I can finish it...

certain information from this point is kinda confidential. As I mentioned, this is not a sex story (sorrie to all brothers...)

life holds many surprises, and this is one of them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

my dear adeline... I was thinking as I waited beneath her block waiting for her to appear.

Never in my dreams would I think that we will actually go have lunch together. It was never like this. During those times, I would just pick her up, go find a room, and bang bang bang away, then $15 for her to take a cab back home (can't even be bothered to send her back).

The thoughts that were going thru my mind, like a whirlwind of confusion. At several point, I comtemplated driving off, escape always seem like a easier solution. What the hell am I here for ? What do I expect to gain out of this ?

25 mins late. Must be aeroplane, etc, I didn't want to call her. Half hoping that I can get myself off the hook in this manner. Could it be that she doesn't want to see me ? Makes no sense, otherwise, why would she even suggest lunch ?

*ring ring*... apologies, she just woke up... 10 mins.... I'm rushing down....

and minutes later.... I heard a voice from behind "WILLIAM !!" ...

na bei... uncle usually quite tactically, sitting on the stone bench, facing the lift door... no surprised ... I think this is standard cheong rule when meeting new faces, we want to see them coming... if baby elephant, scram, if 'IT', scram.... how the hell ?! *she must be staying 2nd or 3rd floor and walked down*

there before me, gosh....somewhat familiar, somewhat not.... gosh.... adeline... my adeline..... a harder stare at the grinning girl standing infront of me..... yes..... my adeline.....

we got on to the car, and went hunting for a lunch location.

She was happily chirpping away, like a bird that just escaped from her confinement. I was still trying to absorb the situation. Driving silently to our location.

We were sitting in a restaurant, she was still talking happily about stuff, things that happened after we lost contact, she didn't understand why we lost contact, and it wasn't easy to maintain a friendship, with the kind of mess that she was in. Family problems, debt problems, ah beng BF problems. I was sitting like a miserable duck, opposite her, barely touching my plate of pasta.

quick, blame me, blast me, curse me, attack me..... I need this... I want this... it's the only way that I will feel better.

No, it wasn't to be. She doesn't blame anyone, or anything that happened to her. She says that it's part of life, and growing up. She didn't want to feel like the victim, and lead a life of blaming others and hatred. What is the point about feeling miserable ? It's not going to solve anything. *huh*confused*.. in the end, she didn't really blamed anyone, not her gambling father, wayward friends... etc.. "you can't live life that way you know"

"WILLIAM, thanks for being my friend when I needed help." *another confusion... she's talking about the $300 ?* "now that we're back in contact, I have another friend"

adeline adeline.... she showed me how much better a person she was, and just how crap I have been. She never blamed me. Oh my horrible deeds, I should burn in hell..... I still feebly wished that she would grab that knife (great, fish n chip, blunt, should hurt alot) and stab me with me. DAMN, I've been waiting all these years for this. KILL ME !!!

nO no, she changed her name, dump her crappy friends (i was thinking, dump me, I'm the worst) and started anew. Her fiancee was a honest and dependable guy (somewhat boring according to her, but heck, everyone needs someone like that in their life) but knows nothing of her past. Her colleagues etc, whom she's never closed to, know her simply as one of the engineers. Her part time studying took it's toll, she doesn't have much friends, and her classmates, accordingly to her, immature, comfortable background, never to worry much of life. In effect, I was someone from the past, whom she can talk about things that she will never be able to tell anyone else.

After lunch, we walked back to my car, I was silent, and she didn't know why. In the car, I suddenly turned, grabbed her hands,

"adeline, I am really really really sorry of what I did in the past, I.... I....", I can clearly count the number of times I cried in my adult life. The last time was when I heard my son's heartbeat for the first time, through the speaker of the ultra sound machine. And now was such a time. I need to say this. I'm really sorry, this is not the ME that I am now. Believe me, I.... I...."

In her eyes, I was never the bastard. How can that be even possible ?

I drove her to NUS and dropped her at the library, where she was supposed to study for her test.

On AYE, driving to meet my brother for coffee when my phone beeped.

"no mood to study, you wanna turn back ?"

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my life have been in a state of un-reality (is there such a word ?) for the past 3 days.

This sounds more like a script from a 9 PM channel 8 serial.

My God... I'm damn lost..... this is not cheong-ing.... I don't even know what to do.

I didn't turn back, but later that nite, we went holland v for drinks. I don't think I will want to write anymore about it. That was 24 hours ago.

I'm married with 2 kids. She's engaged. WTF.

[soberguy]

Thank you for the story!

[Freman]

Originally Posted by soberguy

Thank you for the story!

it's a confession, not a story brother.

hoped brothers here can share their opinion. I don't know what the future will bring. or what will happen.

My resolve is notoriously weak.

For my part, I'm just happy that closure has come, for this episode in my life.

Kudos to you n hope this free your anguished soul .... hope everything ok next time you meet her ... she forgive you liao or she don't think u did anything erong ....

[kameo69]

Bro Freman,

Thanks for sharing your regret and I think you are getting a closure after all these years... being the bastard you called yourself. You should know what to do next. I just want to know whether you want to get out and keep it as it is, be a family man, or continue with her?

To continue with her as a friend, is next to impossible. I understand the temptation, especially after the 'forgiveness'... your sense of relief after all these years... so, why not start again? Sooner or later, you will likely cross that line and that is the emotional danger zone, for her as well as for yourself. This time round, the damage will not be only between the two of you only...

I have a wife too. I'm not perfect and I'm a sucker for new experience... which is not good. For sex, I would rather pay the chick for a one-time event, and not get emotional attachment. I know the temptation once you start it... like a drug addict... and I'm in a struggle to end all soon, and stay a family man.

[X I N]

Originally Posted by kameo69

Bro Freman,
yourself. You should know what to do next. I just want to know whether you want to get out and keep it as it is, be a family man, or continue with her?

To continue with her as a friend, is next to impossible. I understand the temptation, especially after the 'forgiveness'... your sense of relief after all these years... so, why not start again? Sooner or later, you will likely cross that line and that is the emotional danger zone, for her as well as for yourself. This time round, the damage will not be only between the two of you only...

I have a wife too. I'm not perfect and I'm a sucker for new experience... which is not good. For sex, I would rather pay the chick for a one-time event, and not get emotional attachment. I know the temptation once you start it... like a drug addict... and I'm in a struggle to end all soon, and stay a family man.

So it boils down to this can a man and a woman be just platonic fren ... with the wife outside the pic ...

[_AXL_]

Originally Posted by Freman

In her eyes, I was never the bastard. How can that be even possible?

yes, it is possible cos there is a bigger bastard who knocked her up and ran off. u paid for her abortion, even when the child wasnt yours. to her, u r the one who solved her immediate problems. without your precious $300, u think she could be studying in NUS now, facing a much brighter future?

but u r married with children, so tread with care. knowing when to pull out of the sexual relationship is key here... looking forward to further development... cheers.

[nawtgree]

bro, in ur own eyes u're the bastard...but i guess with her in that kind of situation, there are worst ppl which she could have met and i guess she felt you were already very kind towards her.....

but then again..you know ur situation, u are married with kids and she is engaged...staying friends would be a much better option though i doubt it would be possible frm the way it is progressing now...

[Forever Young]

Anyway this is still ongoing, just go with the flow n see wat happen, mo point fretting over it n grew more white hair