Matters of the Heart.Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.
Bros have suggested to up the sex game but the issue lies with the man. He is just itchy outside. Even if you up the sex game, he still wants novelty. It's never enough for him. Let's don't find excuses for such behaviors. My parents have gone sexless even since having me but they are still married and living together for 30 years. What happened to such commitment that our parents have? Does our generation these days finds commitment less valuable?
Personally, I find sex less attractive after my marriage. Mind you, it's only been 2 years marriage although we are together for 8 years now. My wife is still very enthusiastic about sex but the issue lies with me. Somehow I have lost interest in it. I still carry out my obligatory role to sextisfy her when she wants. That's because I believe in commitment to her.
After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!
Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?
I am sorry but how can I accept his alternative lifestyle? Asking all the men here, is it ok if your wife goes around fucking other men as long as there are no emotional strings tied? My husband told me he cannot accept and if he finds me cheating on him, he will walk out of the marriage.
Then what makes him so special? I cannot and he can? Not like he is super rich and I am dependent on him financially.
Sounds like you already decided.
Just looking for stranger to give you the final push?
So years later you can look back and blame strangers for one of the biggest decisions in your life?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disillusioned99
Alr gone for sessions with 2 separate counsellors. He is not serious and committed. Going for the sake of going. Our second is a marriage enrichment programmed which we did not even complete. He happily forgot we have not completed the session.
I think for marriage counseling to work, both must be committed.
According to you, sounds like he also doesn't want to try anymore.
After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!
Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?
If you type like that, then there's really no point dragging your decision.
If don't separate, you also have no conviction to make the relationship work.
If you are really sitting on the fence and. Hopeful of a working marriage, you gotta vision nice things years ahead.
If you cannot... Then nobody in this thread should advise you to keep the marriage.
For the sake of your 2 young kids.
I suggest giving your husband 1 more chance.
Tell him you can forgive him this 1 time and only for this one time.
No MORE NEXT TIME!
Just give your husband some time to reflect his mistakes!
If he still continue his foolish ways, you can leave him for good.
You can then tell yourself, at least I try!!
Is his losses, not yours!
Hey I'm in the same boat as you My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.
I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.
He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.
If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.
Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.
Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.
It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.
After what he did to me, you are still suggesting I give him the Sex of his life? I may as well find someone new and give him the Sex of his life?!
Anyway, I believe a marriage is more than Sex. If sex is everything, then that man is too shallow. Do remember that the dick will experience problems erecting sooner or later. When that happens, what happens to the marriage?
Was assuming you wanted him back, sorry. But if not then just cut your losses and leave him. Make a clean break & you can be happy again.
Hey I'm in the same boat as you My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.
I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.
He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.
If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.
Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.
Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.
It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.
i have a question, can you live with that "just leaving the kids with their dad?"
usually mothers are mothers ... they will be even more terrible when the kids are not around
Hey I'm in the same boat as you My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.
I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.
He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.
If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.
Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.
Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.
It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.
Hi Sister, read about your case in another thread. How has it been? Is your marriage working out?
Hey I'm in the same boat as you My hubby was going to prostitutes too except that he doesn't have a personal relationship with one.
I've asked myself many times why did he do it and I've came to the conclusion that he just never think. Not of the consequences, not of the family, not of you. Like you said, he's addicted to it. You cannot reason with him. As such, there's no way he would change, unless he faces hardship.
He's now pacifying you while living in his fantasy. You have to remove him from this fantasy. Kick him out, file for divorce and do the "no-contact". Limit contact to essentials and just treat him like he's a stranger, like he's dead. It's going to be hard, who's going to help with the kids? Take his money and get help. Hire babysitters, whatever to go through this period.
If he's salvageable, he would kick his habit and beg for your forgiveness. Lock his finances, no money no honey.
Don't wait for him though. Work on yourself. Heal yourself and make yourself happy.
Btw, I also think you should do 50-50 custody for the kids. Let him get his share of responsibility for the kids. You want to have me-time for dating etc too. You don't need to be a supermom and you do want your kids to still have their dad too.
It's funny that men always imagine that in a divorce they leave their family and return to single life, albeit with less money. There's always the other option though. I told my hubby I would consider just leaving and he would have to take care of the kids himself. Life as a single dad with kids might not be what they envision in their fantasy.
It applied to both way too. My wife told me that she want to find her happiness else where after reconnected with her ex-BF. It is not important how much your spouse had sacrifice for the family or on the relationship. It need two hands to clap.
Basically, I conclude that it is individual character and once other party had lost interest on the spouse they will find many excuse. I even shifted out from our place to let her have all the fun as she always pick a fight or find fault with me at home. Very unhealthy for the kid at this kind of environment. Waited for her one year and finally filed my divorce.
I'm happily divorce with full care and control with my boy now. I think no point giving 50-50 custody as it will confuse and create double standard for the the kids later.
Most importantly....we must be sure what individual want and make no regret. Take your own responsibility and move on with life....that is my view only.
This as TS rightly pointed out is more than just sex.
For a man to want to walk out of his family especially his own kids, ... let him go.
Get a good lawyer so that you're not short-changed. Let the kids know it's not their fault - just mummy and daddy can't be together again. But they are loved nevertheless. As they grow up they'll understand.
You deserve to be happier.
__________________ life is too short to be living somebody else's dream
This as TS rightly pointed out is more than just sex.
For a man to want to walk out of his family especially his own kids, ... let him go.
Get a good lawyer so that you're not short-changed. Let the kids know it's not their fault - just mummy and daddy can't be together again. But they are loved nevertheless. As they grow up they'll understand.
You deserve to be happier.
There's far too much consideration given towards kids in all the discussions. In reality it makes no difference whatsoever. In NZ almost every kid I know has been through a few mummies and daddies and 99% just take these sorts of things in their stride.
Forget about the kids adults should just do what they feel is right for themselves and the kids will just have to accept it.
Kids aren't as fragile as most people think.
__________________ Tips for ALL samsters.
Keep your identity secret.
Do not divulge personal information eg phone numbers, real names & addresses.
If you do arrange social meetings through this site, do NOT reveal your primary sammyboy nick.
There's far too much consideration given towards kids in all the discussions. In reality it makes no difference whatsoever. In NZ almost every kid I know has been through a few mummies and daddies and 99% just take these sorts of things in their stride.
Forget about the kids adults should just do what they feel is right for themselves and the kids will just have to accept it.
Kids aren't as fragile as most people think.
I believe we had this conversation before either using this nick or another. While I agree with you that kids aren't fragile and that kids will just have to accept it, as someone who comes from a broken family, it scarred me for life.
The to-ing and fro-ing of the divorce process, the bitterness of the divorcing parties, the mind poisoning etc.... are not the things one wants his or her child to go through
My mom got custody of me and my bro. When my dad brought me out, she insisted I spy for her. My dad caught me checking his atm bank balance. He tore at me and called me an ungrateful son. If I did not do it, my mom told me stories of his affairs and made me cry 3 nights for not siding with her. My parents were called to school, separately bec I wanted to end my life by cutting my wrist. All while I was in primary school.
My mom took your advice and sought happiness for herself. I knew of every boyfriend she brought home and humped. Not a nice feeling standing outside your mom's room hearing men hump your mom. Breaks down whatever remaining self esteem there is. Mom spent all her time playing mahjong (to make herself happy like you advised), and called me a burden. I ran away from home, or rather my uncle's place bec I had no home. You see, she wanted to win dad, not win me. After she won custody, she chucked me aside bec reality sank in. Single parenting is tough and she wanted her own life too. I don't remember ever eating in a hawker centre or a restaurant with mom. I grew up on the streets literally. With friends. I envied them because they had parents. I envied them because they had a home. I envied them bec they had to go home while no one cared whether I went home.
I will not bore you with the many other exciting episodes. Thanks to my mom's mind games, I grew up with such hatred for my dad that I swore I'd kill him with my bare hands. The hate consumed me. My step mom - or dad's 3rd wife - put me in a witness box at dad's estate trial and her lawyers asked me under oath Why. I told the judge I do not know. I never met my dad since their divorce. I saw him in a coffin only 25 years later. I have no idea why I wanted to kill him. The anguish and regrets of it all haunt me to this day.
Yea, 99% New Zealanders take these sort of things in their stride. Here in Sg, we always do better one lah. 100% of us grew up. But I question whether it is selfish to just think about one's own happiness only.
i have a question, can you live with that "just leaving the kids with their dad?"
Daddy is a lying cheating asshole but he's still a decent man and loves his kids, pretty sure he can take care of them. If I can be a single mom, he can be a single dad too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disillusioned99
Hi Sister, read about your case in another thread. How has it been? Is your marriage working out?
He hasn't been back to his "hobby" so we are still together. Or maybe I just haven't caught him yet? Things are going well, just not sure whether this can continue. I would never trust him again so he has to account for all his time and money so I'm like the evil wife now. I hate to be controlling like this but what can I do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by matrix1470
Basically, I conclude that it is individual character and once other party had lost interest on the spouse they will find many excuse.
Sorry to hear about your experience. I agree with you that it's their character problem. Some people have no qualms to lie and cheat and they try to justify their actions by assuming that everybody does the same and that their spouse is evil. Looking back now there were so many signs that something was wrong. After he started going to prostitutes, he was constantly picking fights with me, often over inconsequential matters. In his mind, he's making me out to be the bad guy to justify his actions.
You're a good man for taking care of your boy. It sounds like your wife is at fault but then if you were going to prostitutes back then, it could be the reason why your wife was seeking for happiness elsewhere. Not saying you were but if you were infact doing that, then it's possible.