What is the secret to long lasting affair?

[zxepde]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Thank you for all the replies.

I will just sit back and relax.

Try to move on and let the emotions sizzle out. I know it is not easy but it can be done.

Got into this because marriage life is sometimes frustrating. The person who should be your source of strength and encouragement are the ones who actually puts you down. Everyone has a story.

Affairs don't last they say. But what if the affair is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Ours is not purely sexual though. We meet for coffee just to talk about trivial and sometimes senseless issues. We even advise each other on how to deal with our marriage and how to make our partners happy. Not everyone can understand that. I will never ever want him to leave his family because family is our greatest gift.

So I know I'm a screwed up mess for being so contradicting (getting in an affair and compromising my 'greatest gift'), oh well, just let it be and let time answer my question for me.

I can understand where you are coming from, I too receive certain aspects of gratification that are non sexual in form, with other people and partners.

Having a primary partner, there are still emotional, physical needs that can only be met by another person. It could be as simple as having found someone else who shares the same passion and or hobby.

You are not wrong for having been placed in such a position.

Please don't beat yourself over it. Me and my partner came to realise that such things do happen and due to our strong communication, we are happily engaged in an open marriage ourselves.

I hope you find strength!

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Thank you for all the replies.

I will just sit back and relax.

Try to move on and let the emotions sizzle out. I know it is not easy but it can be done.

Got into this because marriage life is sometimes frustrating. The person who should be your source of strength and encouragement are the ones who actually puts you down. Everyone has a story.

Affairs don't last they say. But what if the affair is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Ours is not purely sexual though. We meet for coffee just to talk about trivial and sometimes senseless issues. We even advise each other on how to deal with our marriage and how to make our partners happy. Not everyone can understand that. I will never ever want him to leave his family because family is our greatest gift.

So I know I'm a screwed up mess for being so contradicting (getting in an affair and compromising my 'greatest gift'), oh well, just let it be and let time answer my question for me.

I know it.
Not everyone understands that loving isnt possessing.
It takes another level to be able to truly love and not demand being exclusive.

[strikeback4]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Thank you for all the replies.

I will just sit back and relax.

Try to move on and let the emotions sizzle out. I know it is not easy but it can be done.

Got into this because marriage life is sometimes frustrating. The person who should be your source of strength and encouragement are the ones who actually puts you down. Everyone has a story.

Affairs don't last they say. But what if the affair is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Ours is not purely sexual though. We meet for coffee just to talk about trivial and sometimes senseless issues. We even advise each other on how to deal with our marriage and how to make our partners happy. Not everyone can understand that. I will never ever want him to leave his family because family is our greatest gift.

So I know I'm a screwed up mess for being so contradicting (getting in an affair and compromising my 'greatest gift'), oh well, just let it be and let time answer my question for me.

TS, just becareful, i just show you a screenshot and you understand

Basically long story short, this guy has an affair with a friend of my for 6 years, after he got her pregnant, he just tell her they are just "Friends"

So becareful, some people are pure bastards who toy with people feeling and when deed is done, they will try to run away

[alwaysalone]

I may sound hash but don't expect things not to change as people do change.
Since it's an affair, it's non-committal.
Lots of people ended their affair for all sorts of reasons.
Trying hard to maintain status quo by oneself, its like throwing stones in the sky and hoping it doesn't fall down.

You can do everything you can but it may fail to change him.

Just enjoy the companionship while it last and if its ends, it ends.

Being ready and accept the fact it may not last forever perhaps can help ease the pain when it really ends.

[sixnine696900]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Not talking about FB but a real affair with feelings.

Anyone here on very long, romantic, sexually active, passionate, with mutual understanding companionship? Share the secret of a lasting affair here.

I have an "other man" and he is married with kids. I too have kids. We have been 'going on' for 3 years now. Seeing each other less often lately. Feelings didn't change but he seems distant now. Quite sure it's not about us but his work. I want to know his thoughts because we always share our worries with each other. But lately he keeps to himself. What should I do? I am afraid to lose him. He had been part of my life for years. We both know our standing in each others lives and that is to be a listening ear but lately I don't feel that way. We women still feel insecure at times. We don't want to over react but we do.

Can anyone give me enlightenment? Leaving him is not an option because we are never really a couple.

(If you will comment to bash, don't waste your time. Thank u!)

Hi Sis,
In any relationship, there will need mutual respect, moreover in an affair...
If it is meant to be, it will be, if not got to work out do not force it; as both of you have your own families.
Affairs is for your heart, but you also have responsibilities to your own kids..

Cheers.

[MoeLanYong]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Thank you for all the replies.

I will just sit back and relax.

Try to move on and let the emotions sizzle out. I know it is not easy but it can be done.

Got into this because marriage life is sometimes frustrating. The person who should be your source of strength and encouragement are the ones who actually puts you down. Everyone has a story.

Affairs don't last they say. But what if the affair is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Ours is not purely sexual though. We meet for coffee just to talk about trivial and sometimes senseless issues. We even advise each other on how to deal with our marriage and how to make our partners happy. Not everyone can understand that. I will never ever want him to leave his family because family is our greatest gift.

So I know I'm a screwed up mess for being so contradicting (getting in an affair and compromising my 'greatest gift'), oh well, just let it be and let time answer my question for me.

You sure are. In a mess. And it will happen every time you get into an affair. A part of you goes missing. Because, truth? This is not how things work - to love a man that is not your man. Will he call me? Has he dumped me? Is he tired of me? Etc. No, the affair does not keep you sane. It made you worse.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I do you no favors by telling you "its alright" like how some here put it. Its not alright to cheat. Bec the one you are hurting is ....yourself. Then your family, in that order. Go work on your marriage. No one said it is easy. Or do you need more dosages of such rejection pains from your lover/s to learn?

I always wave a cane at my kids and ask them. Do you need pain to learn or do you want to learn without pain. Choose.

[Ladyrain]

Some people are attracted to pain. It makes them feel more alive.
Everyone definition of to love and live sanely is different.

[acidicavex]

The most probably worn out or maybe the whole thing loses it freshes... So it time u take time off to heal your emptiness slot. Find something else to occupy that emptiness.

A hobby?
A game?
A toy?
Etc.

As for pouring your woes out well someone might come along maybe another lady friend that u can depend on.

Good luck.

[Ladyrain]

Talk to me.
I'm a good listener.. always.

[strikeback4]

Too bad although many know this is a wrong decision, they are still willing to go for it just for the thrill

[celcius]

Ok. The secret to a long last affair is that it remains a secret, for as long as it can be.

What some people don't get is that for TS situation to extend into a 3-years affair is definitely not just about 'thrill' or 'pure lust'. Pure lust and excitement cannot last that long in years so there's more to that. It's like you literally have found someone who is more like a soulmate, someone who you can probably connect better at an emotional level than your current, but you also feel morally obliged to stick to your current family due to family/husband-wife obligations and also the fact that the family cannot do it without you.

So TS, you already said a few points such as he's busy with work, you're seeing each other less often, and you two hardly talk now. You know him well, probably too well. I'd say give him some breathing space now, sending him occasional text messages just to find a time when he's more comfortable to talk. He may be just too bottled up with work and other issues, or even personal issues that may concern you, which may attribute to why he's not talking, to you. He might be needing some time alone.

[porscheclub]

Time to find yourself a new BF

Well, there was no commitment from both parties, isn't it? This is the 21st century, I believe women of our times have the same needs and wants and sometimes more. If men can have mistresses then women can have theirs as long as you can handle your family affairs such as kids, hubby etc.

I know how you feel. I've had relationships that are more than just lust. Sometimes you just want an opposite sex buddy to have that mental connection, subjects that you cannot discuss with your own kind or something close to heart. Anyway, just give him the space and like they said, drop him some messages of concern will do.

[MalcomX]

Originally Posted by celcius

....
What some people don't get is that for TS situation to extend into a 3-years affair is definitely not just about 'thrill' or 'pure lust'. Pure lust and excitement cannot last that long in years so there's more to that. It's like you literally have found someone who is more like a soulmate, someone who you can probably connect better at an emotional level than your current, but you also feel morally obliged to stick to your current family due to family/husband-wife obligations and also the fact that the family cannot do it without you.
....

Finally.. a passage that makes a lot of sense.

[a2014]

Originally Posted by cassandradream

Anyone here on very long, romantic, sexually active, passionate, with mutual understanding companionship? Share the secret of a lasting affair here.

I have an "other man" and he is married with kids. I too have kids. We have been 'going on' for 3 years now. Seeing each other less often lately.

TS, I guess at the initial state it was what you have described. As time goes by belief some emotion has sunk in and he realised it. He may be more sensitive as he may not want to affect his marriage and on the other hand he may worry that if he is to tell you thing may turn for the worst knowing woman at time may act very differently in love affair and emotional matter.

To avoid hurting himself and you or rather everyone, he may attempt to slow down or rather stop the affection.

You all are adult and married people, guess that you all should know how to handle your emotion. Do not over react and take things one at a time. The more you meddle with it the worst it become and eventually destroy everything around and hurting everyone.

Take Care, time will tell, nothing is forever, you can only treasure it when you are with it. What is yours will be yours.

[cassandradream]

I was jumping into conclusion but now he is back to his normal self. We had an open communication and made sure we understand our position. We both have nothing to give other than some time, attention and listening ear and we should never let negative things tear us apart.

He is my bestfriend. The only thing is, it comes with benefits so we can't be friends in the real world.