Wah.. Seems like there are bro out there who has the issue as mine. Still hoping to get some suggestion from here.
Continue..
So without saying, I still woke up the next moring to my daily routine. I didn't keep my son's word to heart. I'm a person who take all the trouble/issue to sleep and wake up to a brand new day.
But there was once, I was so pissed with my wife. I was doing the housework whole day long. tidy store room, clean all windows, Mirrors, kitchen, laundry. When comes to evening time, my wife came home and the first thing is, "why you was our clothes?" Idk why, Just 1 sentence, 1 question could make me so pissed off. I didnt answer her. Whole night, I didnt talk to her. Whenever she asked a question, I just walk off. "what happen to you?" she asked, "I'm tired, I need to rest". I was thinking, Just sleep and wake up to a brand new day again.
Comes the morning, the very first thing that comes to my mind "I'm tired of all these shit. I'm not going to care anymore" This day was abnormal cuz I usually dont wake up with anger or emotion. I still didnt talk to my wife. We sent our son to school and went to work separately without saying "goodbye".
Ding ding.. phone ring when I'm at work.
Wife-dear, i'm sorry for what i have said yesterday. but the way you treat me, i cannot take it. why must you treat me this way?
I look at the phone and my mind went blank. What should I reply? So I need to always care for your feeling like the past 10 over years and how about mine? I didnt reply and continue working.
3 hours passed... ding ding, phone ring again.
Shit... I forgot to reply. sure quarrel liao.. I thought to myself..
wife-dear can you plz stop treating me this way? what are you angry aboout? just becuz of my 1 wrong word, you need to treat me this way?
I kept thinking for a good 20mins or so. and finally;
Me-I'm sorry, I'm tired. I want to give up on everything. The things/responsibilities that I hold on for the past 10 over years. Let me rest, can? dont irritate me further. I might lose my mind and hurt you with my words.
Wife- what thing? you never say how I know?
30mins or so without reply from me...
Wife- dear, dont like that. anything must say.
1hr passed and again, without reply from me..
wife- can you reply? are you so busy at work? cant even reply me?
I lose my cool, my principle for not hurting my love with my words.
Me- You know Im at work. You can get busy, why cant i? You get busy until all the housework no need to do. Im here managing a company but still can have time to give you a comfortable home after a tiring day at work. Am i a male-maid to you? You only know how to pick on stuff i do. did you ever appreciate it at all? NO! you didnt and dont reply me "I appreciate your hardwork blahblahblah" I heard this so many times but you still continue to pick on it. I'm so tired these few days, did you even care? all you care is your games and social media. who the fuck am I and son to you? You work big deal? I work my ass off at work, knock off early to tidy the fucking house for us, cook dinner for you and son, fetch son and prepare him and accompany him until he sleep. What the hell have you been doing? I ever told you, I will help out with your housework but please dont stop doing after I helped you. YOU STOPPED!!!! You broke so many promises and here you are blaming me just becuz I'm mad? Now, I have no rights to show my unhappiness isit?
after sending that message, I thought, why didnt I hold back a little longer?! why do you need to force me.. Now, I dont just feel tired. I feel tired, angry with myself, sorry for my wife. so many feelings comes at once.....
TS, take this advice. I fully think that it's a workable solution.
You will have more time and energy to do the things that you always wanted.
Sometimes humans don't appreciate things until they lose it.
Treasure yourself 1st if you want others to treasure you.
If you work like a slave then u will be treated as such..
hope you have a better outcome soon.
Bros, I know this reply are not meant for me but let me share my thoughts on this suggestion.
I'm a person who is quite particular on housework (but not peerfection). I can foresee that if a part-time maid can't clean to my standard, I will do it again. Then it will waste my money and time. That's why I rather do it myself.
Actually if you ask me what I really want in life now, I seriously don know. I kept telling myself not to do anymore, but everytime the first thing i come home is to take the vacuum and start cleaning the house. It is so automatic now and after vacuum, I don stop there. I continue 1 after 1.
Treasure myself... How to? all i want is to just sit by the window and go blank, alone. How easy right? I cant. by the time i can do that, its night time. my wife will ask "wht are you doing" "nothing to talk to me" "got thing can not share"
You probably need a holiday or time off. And that probably means going on a short trip away (not anything dirty or naughty) but really just to clear your mind and also for the family to get their act together. Your Wife will realise that probably she has been missing out alot of what you have been doing for her.
Just my humble opinions but really hope things work out for you.
Wah.. Seems like there are bro out there who has the issue as mine. Still hoping to get some suggestion from here.
Continue..
So without saying, I still woke up the next moring to my daily routine. I didn't keep my son's word to heart. I'm a person who take all the trouble/issue to sleep and wake up to a brand new day.
But there was once, I was so pissed with my wife. I was doing the housework whole day long. tidy store room, clean all windows, Mirrors, kitchen, laundry. When comes to evening time, my wife came home and the first thing is, "why you was our clothes?" Idk why, Just 1 sentence, 1 question could make me so pissed off. I didnt answer her. Whole night, I didnt talk to her. Whenever she asked a question, I just walk off. "what happen to you?" she asked, "I'm tired, I need to rest". I was thinking, Just sleep and wake up to a brand new day again.
Comes the morning, the very first thing that comes to my mind "I'm tired of all these shit. I'm not going to care anymore" This day was abnormal cuz I usually dont wake up with anger or emotion. I still didnt talk to my wife. We sent our son to school and went to work separately without saying "goodbye".
Ding ding.. phone ring when I'm at work.
Wife-dear, i'm sorry for what i have said yesterday. but the way you treat me, i cannot take it. why must you treat me this way?
I look at the phone and my mind went blank. What should I reply? So I need to always care for your feeling like the past 10 over years and how about mine? I didnt reply and continue working.
3 hours passed... ding ding, phone ring again.
Shit... I forgot to reply. sure quarrel liao.. I thought to myself..
wife-dear can you plz stop treating me this way? what are you angry aboout? just becuz of my 1 wrong word, you need to treat me this way?
I kept thinking for a good 20mins or so. and finally;
Me-I'm sorry, I'm tired. I want to give up on everything. The things/responsibilities that I hold on for the past 10 over years. Let me rest, can? dont irritate me further. I might lose my mind and hurt you with my words.
Wife- what thing? you never say how I know?
30mins or so without reply from me...
Wife- dear, dont like that. anything must say.
1hr passed and again, without reply from me..
wife- can you reply? are you so busy at work? cant even reply me?
I lose my cool, my principle for not hurting my love with my words.
Me- You know Im at work. You can get busy, why cant i? You get busy until all the housework no need to do. Im here managing a company but still can have time to give you a comfortable home after a tiring day at work. Am i a male-maid to you? You only know how to pick on stuff i do. did you ever appreciate it at all? NO! you didnt and dont reply me "I appreciate your hardwork blahblahblah" I heard this so many times but you still continue to pick on it. I'm so tired these few days, did you even care? all you care is your games and social media. who the fuck am I and son to you? You work big deal? I work my ass off at work, knock off early to tidy the fucking house for us, cook dinner for you and son, fetch son and prepare him and accompany him until he sleep. What the hell have you been doing? I ever told you, I will help out with your housework but please dont stop doing after I helped you. YOU STOPPED!!!! You broke so many promises and here you are blaming me just becuz I'm mad? Now, I have no rights to show my unhappiness isit?
after sending that message, I thought, why didnt I hold back a little longer?! why do you need to force me.. Now, I dont just feel tired. I feel tired, angry with myself, sorry for my wife. so many feelings comes at once.....
I don't know if this accounts to good advice, Bro Fakeguy but once manager once told me:
"Say what you mean and mean what you say"
So if what you said to your wife were you 'true feelings' then whatever you do, don't apologize because it will just negate whatever you have set out to achieve.
Moving forward, I feel that you should try to work things out with her, based on what you have messaged her. The fact that she has 'apologized goes to show that she's taking the first step.
Of course, not asking you to 'play hard to get' or act like some MCP. At some point, you also have to give in. If not for the sake of your marriage, but for the sake of your son.
Just my humble opinion. Good luck bro!
__________________ Disclaimer:
Some of my threads/postsmay be a work of fiction
so names, places, incidents, etc. could have been imagined or used in a fictitious manner
Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead) / events is purely coincidental
Images used are for illustrative purposes only
You probably need a holiday or time off. And that probably means going on a short trip away (not anything dirty or naughty) but really just to clear your mind and also for the family to get their act together. Your Wife will realise that probably she has been missing out alot of what you have been doing for her.
Just my humble opinions but really hope things work out for you.
Bro, I cant. I just cant leave them alone here and go for holiday.
I don't know if this accounts to good advice, Bro Fakeguy but once manager once told me:
"Say what you mean and mean what you say"
So if what you said to your wife were you 'true feelings' then whatever you do, don't apologize because it will just negate whatever you have set out to achieve.
Moving forward, I feel that you should try to work things out with her, based on what you have messaged her. The fact that she has 'apologized goes to show that she's taking the first step.
Of course, not asking you to 'play hard to get' or act like some MCP. At some point, you also have to give in. If not for the sake of your marriage, but for the sake of your son.
Just my humble opinion. Good luck bro!
Bro, don you think i already give in a lot? And she starts to take me for granted.
Bro, don you think i already give in a lot? And she starts to take me for granted.
I hope I am not giving you bad advice, Bro Fakeguy because my marriage also not very good to start with.
I am not asking you to 'give in'.
My first point is - Don't apologize for your message(s)
"Say what you mean and mean what you say" - if what you messaged your wife is a reflection of how you feel, then you should not apologize because that is how you feel. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' when feelings and relationships are concerned so don't apologize unless you are in the wrong.
What I meant by 'giving in' is do not continue to 'sting your wife along'. I know you feel good when you wife tells you tings like "dear, i'm sorry for what i have said yesterday. but the way you treat me, i cannot take it. why must you treat me this way?"
But remember that women, being women, they can suddenly turn around and say you are acting difficult. So, I think you have to be 'objective'.
Just remember what your objectives it - you just want to feel appreciated, not get a divorce, correct?
__________________ Disclaimer:
Some of my threads/postsmay be a work of fiction
so names, places, incidents, etc. could have been imagined or used in a fictitious manner
Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead) / events is purely coincidental
Images used are for illustrative purposes only
I hope I am not giving you bad advice, Bro Fakeguy because my marriage also not very good to start with.
I am not asking you to 'give in'.
My first point is - Don't apologize for your message(s)
"Say what you mean and mean what you say" - if what you messaged your wife is a reflection of how you feel, then you should not apologize because that is how you feel. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' when feelings and relationships are concerned so don't apologize unless you are in the wrong.
What I meant by 'giving in' is do not continue to 'sting your wife along'. I know you feel good when you wife tells you tings like "dear, i'm sorry for what i have said yesterday. but the way you treat me, i cannot take it. why must you treat me this way?"
But remember that women, being women, they can suddenly turn around and say you are acting difficult. So, I think you have to be 'objective'.
Just remember what your objectives it - you just want to feel appreciated, not get a divorce, correct?
Bro, I got you. I did not apologise after that.. I will continue the story in awhile.
Somehow, I feel that your situation now can be avoided. Just that you chose to keep it within yourself all these years. You didn't choose to communicate properly with your wife. Yes, she takes you for granted. But if you had communicated to her earlier on your unhappiness, I believe things will not be what they are now. You are like a volcano, you kept quiet all this while, and suddenly, it explodes. Big time explosion. If you could have let out your steam bit by bit earlier, things may not be as bad.
Bro, I got you. I did not apologise after that.. I will continue the story in awhile.
Take your time, Bro Fakeguy. Running a business is not easy. Cheers!
__________________ Disclaimer:
Some of my threads/postsmay be a work of fiction
so names, places, incidents, etc. could have been imagined or used in a fictitious manner
Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead) / events is purely coincidental
Images used are for illustrative purposes only
After sending that message to my wife, I feel bad that I didnot phrase it nicely which I would always do that.
Wife replied-I know you are tired. I already suggested to get a part-time maid but you don want. Ask you to go travelling and relax, you also don want. dear, can you tell me what you want me to do to make you feel better?
Me- How to relax when going overseas? I need to accompany son. priority goes to him and you. how to relax? I go myself? haha.. just by leaving our son with you while i wash the dish, he also cry like hell. where's your
patient? I don like stranger coming into our house and I don want to make people's life difficult. All i asked for is some appreciation from you. not always picking on the stuff i have done.
wife- i'm really sorry for the words and attitude i used yesterday. i promise i wont do that again.
me thinking, i heard this too many times. In the end everything back to square. I ignore it and continue working.
Back to home, after son asleep. she insist we sit down and talk things out (we normally do this when we have big quarrel but its after cooling down).
wife- how are you today? still tired?
me- To be frank, i'm still feeling down at this moment. you have apologised like you always did. but do you know that your apology to me doesnt have any impact anymore? remember the last time, the same thing happen and what you have promised? I tell you what, this will happen again for sure. so dont make any promise that you cant keep.
wife- *silent*.....
me- i can no longer put words in a nice way anymore at this point of time. its either you show me that you can keep promises and stop picking on the things i do FOR THE FAMILY or you do it.
wife-*silent again*
me- You always say you love me. complain that i never say i love you often. Love is not through saying. to me, love is through my action. you think back, the things i did everyday. not for myself. its for you and son. how much i love you? how about you? saying I love you and on the other side, you are always doing your own stuff and worst pick on me. Do you really love me?
wife-*silent* eyes started to turn red.. tears rolling..
me- I told you before, don force me to talk when im still angry. cuz words coming out from my mouth wont be nice. *hug her* we are here to talk things out isnt it? your turn now..
wife- what else can i say? all your words are true and im really sorry for you. i didnt realised it until now. im really sorry dear.
we end the talk here. you thought things going to be alright after this talk? I also hope so. but, she will be she. just after 1-2months change and everything back to square again. tell me, what should i do?
I think it is time to stop this family affair and starts flashing back some good times with her during the first 8 years.. I mean I'm a high sex drive person all this while. So apart from these family affair, I also have sexual issue with her...
After sending that message to my wife, I feel bad that I didnot phrase it nicely which I would always do that.
Wife replied-I know you are tired. I already suggested to get a part-time maid but you don want. Ask you to go travelling and relax, you also don want. dear, can you tell me what you want me to do to make you feel better?
Me- How to relax when going overseas? I need to accompany son. priority goes to him and you. how to relax? I go myself? haha.. just by leaving our son with you while i wash the dish, he also cry like hell. where's your
patient? I don like stranger coming into our house and I don want to make people's life difficult. All i asked for is some appreciation from you. not always picking on the stuff i have done.
wife- i'm really sorry for the words and attitude i used yesterday. i promise i wont do that again.
me thinking, i heard this too many times. In the end everything back to square. I ignore it and continue working.
Back to home, after son asleep. she insist we sit down and talk things out (we normally do this when we have big quarrel but its after cooling down).
wife- how are you today? still tired?
me- To be frank, i'm still feeling down at this moment. you have apologised like you always did. but do you know that your apology to me doesnt have any impact anymore? remember the last time, the same thing happen and what you have promised? I tell you what, this will happen again for sure. so dont make any promise that you cant keep.
wife- *silent*.....
me- i can no longer put words in a nice way anymore at this point of time. its either you show me that you can keep promises and stop picking on the things i do FOR THE FAMILY or you do it.
wife-*silent again*
me- You always say you love me. complain that i never say i love you often. Love is not through saying. to me, love is through my action. you think back, the things i did everyday. not for myself. its for you and son. how much i love you? how about you? saying I love you and on the other side, you are always doing your own stuff and worst pick on me. Do you really love me?
wife-*silent* eyes started to turn red.. tears rolling..
me- I told you before, don force me to talk when im still angry. cuz words coming out from my mouth wont be nice. *hug her* we are here to talk things out isnt it? your turn now..
wife- what else can i say? all your words are true and im really sorry for you. i didnt realised it until now. im really sorry dear.
we end the talk here. you thought things going to be alright after this talk? I also hope so. but, she will be she. just after 1-2months change and everything back to square again. tell me, what should i do?
I think it is time to stop this family affair and starts flashing back some good times with her during the first 8 years.. I mean I'm a high sex drive person all this while. So apart from these family affair, I also have sexual issue with her...
Since she apologised to you Bro Fakeguy, shows that she knows she’s partially to be blamed. but I think what Bro hamsupster says could be true also.
When you mentioned ‘change’, what do you mean? She showing you more appreciation? Or she contribute to the housework?
I think you really need to ‘put your foot down’ or you will end up feeling very disappointed and bitter bro.
Just my feeling. Hope I am wrong.
__________________ Disclaimer:
Some of my threads/postsmay be a work of fiction
so names, places, incidents, etc. could have been imagined or used in a fictitious manner
Any resemblance to actual persons (living or dead) / events is purely coincidental
Images used are for illustrative purposes only
Somehow, I feel that your situation now can be avoided. Just that you chose to keep it within yourself all these years. You didn't choose to communicate properly with your wife. Yes, she takes you for granted. But if you had communicated to her earlier on your unhappiness, I believe things will not be what they are now. You are like a volcano, you kept quiet all this while, and suddenly, it explodes. Big time explosion. If you could have let out your steam bit by bit earlier, things may not be as bad.
Bro, I thought I'm a person who just sleep and wake up forgetting the problem. I don want to make my wife unhappy just becuz of small issue that i can settle myself. You are right, it is a big mistake. But in terms of communication, she wil ok,ok,ok but in the end nothin change.
25-05-2019, 12:06 AM
How to? all i want is to just sit by the window and go blank, alone. How easy right? I cant. by the time i can do that, its night time. my wife will ask "wht are you doing" "nothing to talk to me" "got thing can not share"
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