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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #46  
Old 02-06-2017, 10:09 AM
KTVbuddy KTVbuddy is offline
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by senters89 View Post
When a Player meet a Player... this is how it started ba. Can be together, it is fate, break up one day, it is also fate.
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Very well said.
  #47  
Old 02-06-2017, 12:25 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

Sometimes i dun understand how can an affair be long lasting when it is started by two very selfish individual that only care about their own needs instead of remembering their marital vows, family committment, children...etc etc.

There is no secret to such thing when it is doom to fail right from the start.
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  #48  
Old 02-06-2017, 01:35 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by maxsee View Post
Sometimes i dun understand how can an affair be long lasting when it is started by two very selfish individual that only care about their own needs instead of remembering their marital vows, family committment, children...etc etc.

There is no secret to such thing when it is doom to fail right from the start.

firstly for a affair to start, the marital vows were challenged and failed. for a affair to start, there must be trouble, not giving sex, lack of interest in each other lives, a lot of quarrels, fights, maybe violence, money issues.

IT STARTS WHEN MARRIED PEOPLE ARE SELFISH AND CARE OF THEMSELVES AND NOT BOTHER WITH THE OTHER PERSON'S THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, OPINIONS.

In desperation, women or men look for ways to survive. In this case a affair. It also can be looking for FL or ONS.

Affairs are doomed to fail. But it starts from a doomed marriage. And looking at the stats of the divorce rate, marriages are not winning the fight either.
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Last edited by Shadow_warrior; 03-06-2017 at 01:20 AM.
  #49  
Old 05-06-2017, 12:10 AM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by Shadow_warrior View Post
firstly for a affair to start, the marital vows were challenged and failed. for a affair to start, there must be trouble, not giving sex, lack of interest in each other lives, a lot of quarrels, fights, maybe violence, money issues.

IT STARTS WHEN MARRIED PEOPLE ARE SELFISH AND CARE OF THEMSELVES AND NOT BOTHER WITH THE OTHER PERSON'S THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, OPINIONS.

In desperation, women or men look for ways to survive. In this case a affair. It also can be looking for FL or ONS.

Affairs are doomed to fail. But it starts from a doomed marriage. And looking at the stats of the divorce rate, marriages are not winning the fight either.
100% agree!!!
  #50  
Old 05-06-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

Why justify having an affair? Just follow your heart. If it is just sex, it will end pretty soon. If one day the love dies as people will change, just move on. Not easy to find one love that can last forever.
  #51  
Old 06-06-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by Chantelfin View Post
Why justify having an affair? Just follow your heart. If it is just sex, it will end pretty soon. If one day the love dies as people will change, just move on. Not easy to find one love that can last forever.
True. Sometimes the affair goes whacky too.

The partner cheats on the affair partner.

That's just big can of worms.

Just went through that. Life is funny. Marriage failed. Affair also doesn't work.

Sometimes the most easily dependable thing is WL. Pay, get it done and go away. Emotional stuff suck.
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  #52  
Old 08-06-2017, 04:11 PM
cassandradream cassandradream is offline
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by Shadow_warrior View Post
True. Sometimes the affair goes whacky too.

The partner cheats on the affair partner.

That's just big can of worms.

Just went through that. Life is funny. Marriage failed. Affair also doesn't work.

Sometimes the most easily dependable thing is WL. Pay, get it done and go away. Emotional stuff suck.
Well bro Shadow, you have filled up something lacking in your other woman's life. The moment that need is not being met, yes, she can definitely try to look for it elsewhere as she had done before...

I look at it like a cracked glass. Her marriage is a cracked glass, she got you to tape it together to fill up the cracks. But the tape is temporary, it gets loose, you can't use the same tape but get new tapes to keep the glass standing. Sucks... If only life is that simple... Changing glass doesnt mean it will never crack too. Life is fragile. Handle love with care...

All the best to you bro. Hope you find happiness in this life. Anyways happiness is never the destination, happiness is in the journey.
  #53  
Old 10-06-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

How do you handle the insecurities and the need for constant reassurance? You cannot demand and just accept what is freely given. How can people last 4,7 25 years in such affairs? Does it get any easier? Do you tell each other ILYs? Do u ever feel your other man could be cheating on you too? I'm sorry too many questions. This is an amazing thread!
  #54  
Old 11-06-2017, 12:39 AM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by voluptuousvenus View Post
How do you handle the insecurities and the need for constant reassurance? You cannot demand and just accept what is freely given. How can people last 4,7 25 years in such affairs? Does it get any easier? Do you tell each other ILYs? Do u ever feel your other man could be cheating on you too? I'm sorry too many questions. This is an amazing thread!
ive been with a married man for 5 years now. For my case im not married while he is. To me the most important element of such relationship is to never have any expectation. if he is not free to text and meet due to family obligations, then okay i can always find other things to do. If he is free to meet me and spend some time together, then yay!

Took me 1 year to lower my expectations and never to ask questions that you know will hurt you. His family will always be first and always keep in mind that he will NEVER leave his family for you. People will ask, why do you do it then if it is so hard?? he is my best friend and the best relationship i ever had. It is just a shame that we met after he got married and had kids. Over the years things got easier as we learn to manage our expectations.

He understands that if i manage to find a guy that i want to settle down with, he will back off. Ive been actively searching but so far nobody comes even close to replacing him. We always joke that i may end up single and become a cougar when im in my late 30s lol.

glad to read that i am not the only one in this situation hoping others will share their story too.
  #55  
Old 11-06-2017, 03:55 AM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

Quote:
Originally Posted by voluptuousvenus View Post
How do you handle the insecurities and the need for constant reassurance? You cannot demand and just accept what is freely given. How can people last 4,7 25 years in such affairs? Does it get any easier? Do you tell each other ILYs? Do u ever feel your other man could be cheating on you too? I'm sorry too many questions. This is an amazing thread!
you cant. Its just one big messy thing, coupled with crazy wild sex in the first few years

expect change if you go longer than 3 years, Boredom, starts feeling and experiencing the same issues like when you are married

Not sure it gets easier. It might, but then again, it gets easier because its become a routine. And that's when the person might decide they are looking for another person besides you.
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  #56  
Old 11-06-2017, 03:58 AM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cassandradream View Post
Well bro Shadow, you have filled up something lacking in your other woman's life. The moment that need is not being met, yes, she can definitely try to look for it elsewhere as she had done before...

I look at it like a cracked glass. Her marriage is a cracked glass, she got you to tape it together to fill up the cracks. But the tape is temporary, it gets loose, you can't use the same tape but get new tapes to keep the glass standing. Sucks... If only life is that simple... Changing glass doesnt mean it will never crack too. Life is fragile. Handle love with care...

All the best to you bro. Hope you find happiness in this life. Anyways happiness is never the destination, happiness is in the journey.
She wasn't married. She was a single mom. So actually all these 7 years, she confessed, she didn't love me as much as I did her.

She always saw herself as single, so the cheating or feeling for other men were legit reasons because, she didn't want to have the feeling of sharing me anymore. She wanted someone of her own.

Well in conclusion, this is the step I am taking. The best way to get over a broken heart is in the arms of another.
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The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment
  #57  
Old 11-06-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

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Originally Posted by thatxx View Post
Took me 1 year to lower my expectations and never to ask questions that you know will hurt you. His family will always be first and always keep in mind that he will NEVER leave his family for you. People will ask, why do you do it then if it is so hard?? he is my best friend and the best relationship i ever had. It is just a shame that we met after he got married and had kids. Over the years things got easier as we learn to manage our expectations....
Precisely that was why my relationship with my FB/BF could last 25 years!

Your situation matches mine in many ways except perhaps the age difference. Life sometimes play havoc with our feelings. If only all the cards are opened on the table and we can choose the hand that we want to be dealt with the outcome will better and happier for all concerned.

She like you must have felt the guilt to be the 3rd party and didn't want the children to suffer the fate of a broken family and therefore only accepted whatever time I could spare her. But to compensate those times we have for each other were intense and I made up to her whenever I could financially (although she was financially very independent) and extravagantly in presents and gifts. She often told me none of her married friends/colleagues were as lucky as her in that respect! But I know money and expensive gifts can never compensate for the lost of having her own family....
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  #58  
Old 11-06-2017, 08:52 PM
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Similar to me . My case both of us married. Been tog 2 yrs. The best relationship i have. We care forneach other and always with respect. Took us awhile to manage our expectatiins as welll. Beginningnis always tough. Fact is .... the secret to a long lasting affair is reali the same as the secret to a happi marriage . Many times i wonder y i cant hav the same with my spouse....?




Quote:
Originally Posted by thatxx View Post
ive been with a married man for 5 years now. For my case im not married while he is. To me the most important element of such relationship is to never have any expectation. if he is not free to text and meet due to family obligations, then okay i can always find other things to do. If he is free to meet me and spend some time together, then yay!

Took me 1 year to lower my expectations and never to ask questions that you know will hurt you. His family will always be first and always keep in mind that he will NEVER leave his family for you. People will ask, why do you do it then if it is so hard?? he is my best friend and the best relationship i ever had. It is just a shame that we met after he got married and had kids. Over the years things got easier as we learn to manage our expectations.

He understands that if i manage to find a guy that i want to settle down with, he will back off. Ive been actively searching but so far nobody comes even close to replacing him. We always joke that i may end up single and become a cougar when im in my late 30s lol.

glad to read that i am not the only one in this situation hoping others will share their story too.
  #59  
Old 11-06-2017, 10:09 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

Quote:
Originally Posted by thatxx View Post
ive been with a married man for 5 years now. For my case im not married while he is. To me the most important element of such relationship is to never have any expectation. if he is not free to text and meet due to family obligations, then okay i can always find other things to do. If he is free to meet me and spend some time together, then yay!

Took me 1 year to lower my expectations and never to ask questions that you know will hurt you. His family will always be first and always keep in mind that he will NEVER leave his family for you. People will ask, why do you do it then if it is so hard?? he is my best friend and the best relationship i ever had. It is just a shame that we met after he got married and had kids. Over the years things got easier as we learn to manage our expectations.

He understands that if i manage to find a guy that i want to settle down with, he will back off. Ive been actively searching but so far nobody comes even close to replacing him. We always joke that i may end up single and become a cougar when im in my late 30s lol.

glad to read that i am not the only one in this situation hoping others will share their story too.
my ex fb/gf partner basically said to me

why cant I have my own man, why do I have to share.

why cant I have children with you, or openly go on holidays

with so many whys, I said, yes, to be fair to you, I want you to be happy

Kills me to let her go, but I would say I care and love enough to want her to find her own happiness, even if its without me. Holding her back seemed to be the wrong thing to do.

So I left. And now she wants back. But because she confessed she had feelings for other men and was always looking when we were together, I think I am not keen on revisiting these hurt feelings of being cheated on.
She told me, she's single, has always been because she has no status with me.
Fair enough. This old lion doesn't want to keep licking his wounds. In my 40s, I just don't have the energy to play this emotional games anymore.
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  #60  
Old 12-06-2017, 03:25 PM
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Re: What is the secret to long lasting affair?

well, I guess everyone who end up here writing out our emotions know that having this special relationship is not easy. We all fall in love again at the most unexpected time.

Just like what sister Cassandra and bro shadow had said, it not easy to lead a double life, but all of us NEVER REGRETTED. Life is full of unexpected changes and life bring you to unexpected places. Someone who crossed over your path can change your whole direction and route.

I never though I would I meet another woman who can make my day smiling. Never underestimate the importance of having a person in your life who can always make you smile. We both know that 1 day this might end. We had been very secretive of our personal life thinking that, knowing less = hurt less. There were always doubt about each other, but we both kept silent.

When it is my turn to let go or end it, I am very unsure if I can let it go so easily. It is easy to say you are over someone if you aren't seeing them. The challenge is to look them in the eye and see their smile and hear their voice and still be able to say, this is not what I want anymore.

So, to my bro and sis who had their story ended,
Don not be sad that it ended, but happy that it happened.

and to my bro and sis who still have this special relationship including myself.
Enjoy every moment you have with her/him. I'll rather regret something I did than regret not doing something. Twenty years from now, make sure you can say that you chose you life, you didn't settle for it.
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