On resting mode this week due to menses week. It still has not 'break fast'. I'm like waiting for the baby to EDD like that lol. My body already started to bloat. I look like 1 fatty if i wear too tight. Can't use the word fatty but more like African kid. Small body frame with protruding tummy. Only place that looks better, it my boobs. Look at the pic yourself.
It been a week I didn't stepped out from my house. I tried to meet up my friends last Friday and it was a tough fight within. I was struggled to get out of the house. When I reached the place, I thought my friends were inside and so i went in to look for them. People started to look at me and some guys were gluing their eyes to my footsteps. I felt cold and my hands started to trembled. I quickly walked and called my friend and i heard my name called out. Phew, they were at the outdoor area. That was my last outing. I kinda phobia to go out honestly.
Even when i have to work, i have to forced myself to go out. I feel better when i was in enclose area. Even just a simple dinner with family outside, I felt weak. I was in daze, felt so uncomfortable. I know i already born ugly. The glances from strangers, are making things worse. They must be thinking, this girl is ugly enough, why still wanna disgrace herself by going out to show her face in the public.
I really don't know how to face the world. The glances, the voices in my head, is making me sick. I have been staying in my room for a week. It is my most comfortable zone so far. I really hate myself. I shouldn't even exist in this world. The society is cruel. U are born better appearance, people will worship u. If my case, will end up being condemned. Unless, u are rich. I neither look good nor rich. How realistic. Life is really meaningless. Nothing to look forward at all. Can an accident just happen to me and take me away please? My birthday is coming in another few months, why not just fufill this will do.
It been a week I didn't stepped out from my house. I tried to meet up my friends last Friday and it was a tough fight within. I was struggled to get out of the house. When I reached the place, I thought my friends were inside and so i went in to look for them. People started to look at me and some guys were gluing their eyes to my footsteps. I felt cold and my hands started to trembled. I quickly walked and called my friend and i heard my name called out. Phew, they were at the outdoor area. That was my last outing. I kinda phobia to go out honestly.
Even when i have to work, i have to forced myself to go out. I feel better when i was in enclose area. Even just a simple dinner with family outside, I felt weak. I was in daze, felt so uncomfortable. I know i already born ugly. The glances from strangers, are making things worse. They must be thinking, this girl is ugly enough, why still wanna disgrace herself by going out to show her face in the public.
I really don't know how to face the world. The glances, the voices in my head, is making me sick. I have been staying in my room for a week. It is my most comfortable zone so far. I really hate myself. I shouldn't even exist in this world. The society is cruel. U are born better appearance, people will worship u. If my case, will end up being condemned. Unless, u are rich. I neither look good nor rich. How realistic. Life is really meaningless. Nothing to look forward at all. Can an accident just happen to me and take me away please? My birthday is coming in another few months, why not just fufill this will do.
I've a quick question :
Why do u have such low self esteem ?
Why do u let the voices put you down ?
I will go in your working thread and make an appointment with you . I am positive that you are much much better than you thin of yourself savor those idiots who put you down !
I will go in your working thread and make an appointment with you . I am positive that you are much much better than you thin of yourself savor those idiots who put you down !
Wait for me ...
That because since when i was in sec sch, i have been mocked on my appearance. I was a nerd back then and an introvert. Nobody wanna be near to me cos will make them unpopular. My nick given was 'Freak'. Due to that, I have been absenced from school. My family had been scolding me and even beat me up cos they didn't understand why I always didn't wanna attend school. But amazing part, my academics were good. Every year i was top 3 students. That's why school didn't expelled me. My ex even called me a jinx. Called me ugly slut.
So somehow all these mocking has been around me til now. I admit I'm a less fortunate one that not blessed with good looks. Only a mother fucker cb face. If I have the money, definitely i will go for plastic surgery. Since this world already so fake and most people prefer plastic than genuine ones. This line is really not easy. So girls out there, if u wanna be in this field, make sure u have the right criteria. If not, u will end up like me, being dissed and suffer unnecessary illness called depression.
God damn it, my head has been in pain for past few days. Everytime see my face through mirror, my face is like getting more and more cui. I look like walking dead, with half dead face and super cui appearance. I find myself getting fatter too even though i only eat 1 meal per day. What is wrong with me? I don't even dare to look in the mirror unless i need to make up. Just feel that everything is not right, from outside to inside.
i only eat 1 meal per day. What is wrong with me? I don't even dare to look in the mirror unless i need to make up. Just feel that everything is not right, from outside to inside.
uncle has been reading your thread and feel sad for you a young person like you feel so lost. if you want to be healthy you must eat 3 meals everyday but must be balanced with meat . veggies and fruits, take one day by one day . keep yourself occupied go to the gym and excersize and sweat you feel better the gym at the CC is cheap and good, go swimming you feel better. use your skills credit to go for a course google for available course.
uncle hoped you can find a better job but you feel FL you can earn more uncle know not easy but ask bros to do advance booking so your hotel room not wasted try to build up your regulars BE SAFE BE WELL BE HEALTHY
uncle is not "strong" enuff to visit you but you have uncle best wishes
14-03-2018, 04:42 PM
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Re: 📖 The Journal of Iris 📖
how you are feeling better sister
