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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 13-03-2019, 03:31 PM
Kevsterboi Kevsterboi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cashstar1213 View Post
Hi all,

Long time reader, not my 1st post but wish that someone can give me some advice/encouragement.

I am local chinese 28, have a stable work earn 4+ a month.Gives money to parents month, don drink/smoke/gamble/club. I am average looking, saved up quite some money through part-time work, proxy service which i help ppl buy stuff here over the years, tiny-safe involvement over the years and have reach a good 100k+.
I am pretty much what ppl call a indoor nerd. I hardly even go out on weekends. I feel ok staying in 24/7 if i have 1 whole month of free time to myself.

I experience a rejection when i was ard 18/19. There was this girl i really like. Thought it was a crush at 1st but no it was real, so real i though of her all the time. She was from ITE, mayb 3 years older than me. She was my cousin's friend whom i met during a gathering. She jus broke up with her bf. There was another guy who like her at the same time also, but through some events he gave up and i won the battle. I tried to confess to her at one point but she mentioned she needed more time. I waited and tried a last attempt and got rejected.

Since then i nv have the balls to try again. My thoughts from then were pretty twisted. I thought every gal can be gained by money. Every woman i saw on the streets are jus out for money. U throw money and everyone will spread there legs for u. Sometimes i see this cute girl and thought: Wow how i hope she was my girlfriend but nah like i had a dog shit of a chance.

I started on this thread and manage to bed a women ard 40+. I have phimosis then so i cant feel a thing with condom... But now i guess it has gotten a lot better with stretching...


I have been bullied through my life, pri&sec school, poly, army. I don really speak with anyone at work unless needed. I would eat on my own in my 1st job everyday. Now at my 2nd job is a bit better as my department usually eat together but time to time they have their own appointment i will jus eat alone also.

This sparks the flame of no confident inside me. I kept thinking why are others better looking/better job/have a girlfriend compared to me. So i kept thinking : nah non of these dumb fucks are probably as rich as me hahaha. Please jus die off somewhere u shits.

I have reach a point i don really wanna interact with ppl unless NEEDED. Work still get done and colleagues are pretty ok and i do talk to them time to time. But i still feel lost, sometimes i feel like: can someone jus kill me this trash somehow...

I hope someone can give me some advice how to go on in life from here. I don wanna bother to know new ppl YET i want a girlfriend which is a dilemma as fuck...



Thank you for taking your time to read til here. This may all be totally BS to some ppl. I could have wasted your time but thank you once again to read abt this tiny exsistance on Earth.

Cheers!
Bro, I’m totally opposite of you in terms of savings.. But that don’t stop me from going out to find love.. If you think SG girls too hard for you, try Thai or Viet?

I used to be goody goody boy, don’t club don’t drink, but my current Girlfriend works in a club.. It’s how you make the first step to try again..

One failure don’t determine your future man..

Keep going, have some confidence in yourself!
  #17  
Old 13-03-2019, 04:31 PM
sshelterz sshelterz is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Bro. Trust me. Evaluate yourself. You need company or fuck. Fuck stay here. Company... Go to church
  #18  
Old 13-03-2019, 08:01 PM
JohnHanz16 JohnHanz16 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Hi bro, not sure how much this would help, but I used to be like you, except the money part because I still poor as fuck, but I was damn otaku and hated the world a lot. Questioned why guys suckier than me can get gf and sex while nice guy like me are ignored. Yes it was that bad.

But I guess what helped was a wake up call from a close bro. He sat me down and was just plain honest with me. Said my attitude and perspective in life sucked. No one owed me a living and people will just shun me if I think that I am special and deserve special treatment.

It was a painful truth, but it's still truth. I still thank that bro very much for being sibeh honest with me.

The thing is, no one owes you anything. You're not special, just like everyone else. But that doesn't mean you should stop trying to put meaning in your life.

It was not easy for me initially. I was an introvert and super uncomfortable with new people. But that bro dragged me out to gatherings with his friends and forced me to talk. It was damn paiseh initially, but after a while things started to get easier. Eventually, I am able to just be socialise without any help.

The first step is always super uncomfortable. You'll feel like dying, but good thing is you wont. Learn to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. Like any other skills, socialising takes practice. If one way of talking doesn't work, switch tactics. Find something that works best for you.

Put yourself in social situations. Join a club or a group of like minded people. Mine was through Pokemon Go (yes super nerd) but still it gave me an opening. If you have any interest, can consider. Good thing about sg is that we have almost every imaginable groups of people with different interests here.

you just have to take the first step
  #19  
Old 13-03-2019, 08:24 PM
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ramon ramon is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

[QUOTE=cashstar1213;18432160]Hi all,

Long time reader, not my 1st post but wish that someone can give me some advice/encouragement.

Ah Boy, you are born into this world to live! You can blame your parents for producing you that gives you so much anguish but hey...you are going to die sooner or later, so go smell the roses, meet new people, take risks...it really doesn't matter because when you are old, have you led a meaningful life? It's not just about how much money you made or achievements, it's also about the failures that you may have overcome and those that you have not conquered. With your money...have you gone to the Arctic and experience sub-zero degrees? Have you smoked grass? Have you jumped out from a plane? What are you waiting for?
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  #20  
Old 19-03-2019, 04:27 PM
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

TS

You are only 28. There's a long road ahead.

Forget past trauma. You cannot change the past. You lost the girl. Maybe it was love. But it's over now. Move on.

Don't predict the future - make the future that you want. Since you got the money, what are you going to do with it? 100k isn't a lot in the larger scheme of things.

Don't think about other people - think about yourself. What do you want to do? What do you want to be? What do you want to achieve?

Don't pre-judge. Everybody goes through their own shit. Everyone has their reasons (albeit sometimes dumb ones) for doing what they do. We are all different. That's not a bad thing.
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  #21  
Old 19-03-2019, 05:35 PM
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ibanezjem555 ibanezjem555 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Bro, the secret of getting a girl is to know what they want. All girls want your time, attention and devotion. Not your car or your money or your penis or your looks (generally lah.. there are many bimbo airhead that are easily snared by all these still.. even then they still looking for devotion.. your devotion to spend on them !)

You got money, you got head start as no need to pump so much OT and got time to spend with girl. This is where the problem starts. The girl is generally not interested in what you like. You want to eat steak, she like Tim sum. She like shopping, you like playing video games. You want to play darts, she want you to leave bcos the pub too noisy, smoky, boring. Even got somewhat same interest also got problem.. she like guitar, you like guitar but she wants to play Ed Sheraan but you like Imagine Dragons or Slipknot. Beh Khgam leh.

So, your priorities and timetable and lifestyle upside down. Can take it or not ? Means no more computer games during weekend. You spend your time wake up, call her to firm up her programme (not yours) fetch her for lunch, go shopping or show or walk aimlessly in mall, then go dinner with her friends (not yours), send her home, come back call her to see if she OK before you sleep.

If you can do this, then got chance to get a soul partner girlfriend. If you want and can take this horse shit kum lan lifestyle, then can think about girlfriend and married. I shower first, then tell you how to talk to girls.

Last edited by ibanezjem555; 19-03-2019 at 06:39 PM.
  #22  
Old 19-03-2019, 06:07 PM
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibanezjem555 View Post
Bro, the secret of getting a girl is to know what they want. All girls want your time, attention and devotion. Not your car or your money or your penis or your looks (generally lah.. there are many bimbo airhead that are easily snared by all these still.. even then they still looking for devotion.. your devotion to spend on them !)

You got money, you got head start as no need to pump so much OT and got time to spend with girl. This is where the problem starts. The girl is generally not interested in what you like. You want to eat steak, she like Tim sum. She like shopping, you like playing video games. You want to play darts, she want you to leave bcos the pub too noisy, smoky, boring. Even got somewhat same interest also got problem.. she like guitar, you like guitar but she wants to play Ed Sherman but you like Imagine Dragons or Slipknot. Beh Khgam leh.

So, your priorities and timetable and lifestyle upside down. Can take it or not ? Means no more computer games during weekend. You spend your time wake up, call her to firm up her programme (not yours) fetch her for lunch, go shopping or show or walk aimlessly in mall, then go dinner with her friends (not yours), send her home, come back call her to see if she OK before you sleep.

If you can do this, then got chance to get a soul partner girlfriend. If you want and can take this horse shit kum lan lifestyle, then can think about girlfriend and married. I shower first, then tell you how to talk to girls.
On fire today bro.
  #23  
Old 19-03-2019, 06:26 PM
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ibanezjem555 ibanezjem555 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Ok... back again.. should be in gym for my run.. but I sacrifice.. ha ha..

Bros here are correct, you got to practice talking to girls and expand your range and number of targets.

Practice with girls. Find girl you can talk to.. your mum (yep.. start sharpening yr techniques), your cousin (that's why you gotta go to that gathering n dinner), and your colleague.

First remember, the key to talking to girls is to get them to talk about themselves. This is the easiest as the pressure is off you and now on the girl to yak. When girls yak, they form a closer bond with you and their life's intertwine with yours. That's why the fat guys get the good-looking chicks and they stay.. (OK the guys wallets help too..as mentioned previously)..

Easiest one is to talk about food.. wah this mee pok damn tough, you know good place for mee pok ? (practise this one on colleague).. if she say no, follow up with .. wah, you usually like to eat what huh ? Why you like to eat sushi ? Where best ? Which type you like ? Why that type ?

Look at her.. maybe she got a pair of sunglasses, wah.. this sunglass quite unique hor ? How come got stripe on the side, is it the limited edition ? You like this is because of the stripe is it ? What else got in this range ? If she ask you why so kaypoh, aiyo, buy present for girl different mah, we guys very ah gu wan, always buy T-shirt n chocolate, next time buy present for sister, cousin, must know what girl like mah !

If got kids, ask how they are doing, how old, what kids like to do and make it a point to bring it up next time you meet for lunch or break..

So, you see immediately you can use this method of pushing the conversation to the girl which will help you. Generally, avoid topics on religion, politics, sex. Practice hard and start with mum. Time to buy yr mum favourite snack and practice pushing conversation method .. how did you meet dad ? Last time what you like to do ? Aiyo, I agree with you.. you so blind marry him .. what you see in him ? Is like playing computer game, praCtice practice practice. .. play play play then perfect...

Now, if you want to fish, you go to water. If you want to catch wild boar go jungle. If you sit in front of pc every weekend, you expect got target or got girl come to your door ? Of course not. Similarly you go to basketball court or indoor football court, you expect to see long hair doe eyed girls or sweaty boys ? Logic right ? If you go to pub got girls but with boyfriends and noisy how to connect n talk ? Even if you Korean boyband looks, she won't approach you because her bf is there or her girlfriends there and she cannot lose face and so easy to open her legs go approach you or dance with you right ?

Look for girls in correct places. A yoga pilates class, a dance class or a play or a concert got more girls. Again, how to make that intro ? So best target is a ex-classmate outing, an CC organised trip to Malaysia, a volunteer event (this one good as many help needed and got sub-committee work in small teams). Then extend your kill-zone.. go for run together with ex-classmates in some fun run or fun activities and they bring their sisters or other friends. Drama plays and concerts good but it is not the event but the before (dinner before concert) and after event (supper after play) that is the key, not the event itself.. at the event,few opportunity to talk as watching mah.. again apply the same technique.. wah, the main actor not bad but I liked the person who played the.. you leh ? You like who ? Why ?

In the push technique has only one key element.. you must be truthful and don't action actsy borak.. just keep it to plain opinions which you believe in.. if that stripe on sunglasses look horrible, the main actor stinks.. don't throw mud and slime.. focus on something that she (not you) can say something positive about.

Start talking to girls..

PS: I want to say that better don't try on MLs or FLs.. you might be shunned as they want to do the deed collect $$ and scoot off or they will KC you.. and you as a newbie will be suckered.. even old birds like us can be kc-ed.

Last edited by ibanezjem555; 19-03-2019 at 06:43 PM.
  #24  
Old 19-03-2019, 06:37 PM
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ibanezjem555 ibanezjem555 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
On fire today bro.
Ha ha.. thanks Bro Larue .. up my points to you for your patience with my long-winded post..
  #25  
Old 19-03-2019, 07:54 PM
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Just bring 10k out of your 100k out and plenty of samsters can make u a man!

oh yes sg so small. Limited girls too. Go other countries yourself, be brave and wise. Experience new things. U wouldnt regret it.

Got 1 country i go 1st time i already kanna rape by a girl, 3.5 hours after my 1st meeting with her. She even brought condom for me before we met, telling me "i know what u want".

Success on dating and sex: Treat it as a numbers game. The more u try the higher the chance of success. Its like doing sales.
Assume 10% chance of success. U approach 10 people, u close 1 deal.
Assume 5% chance of success. U approach 40 people, u will close 2 deals.
So u can either: Increase the number of people u approach (ask more girls, search outside sg, lower your criteria, etc) and/or increase the % chance of success (be well groomed, hygienic, splash money, humorous, good at talking, etc)
  #26  
Old 20-03-2019, 04:19 PM
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ibanezjem555 View Post
Ok... back again.. should be in gym for my run.. but I sacrifice.. ha ha..

Bros here are correct, you got to practice talking to girls and expand your range and number of targets.

Practice with girls. Find girl you can talk to.. your mum (yep.. start sharpening yr techniques), your cousin (that's why you gotta go to that gathering n dinner), and your colleague.

First remember, the key to talking to girls is to get them to talk about themselves. This is the easiest as the pressure is off you and now on the girl to yak. When girls yak, they form a closer bond with you and their life's intertwine with yours. That's why the fat guys get the good-looking chicks and they stay.. (OK the guys wallets help too..as mentioned previously)..

Easiest one is to talk about food.. wah this mee pok damn tough, you know good place for mee pok ? (practise this one on colleague).. if she say no, follow up with .. wah, you usually like to eat what huh ? Why you like to eat sushi ? Where best ? Which type you like ? Why that type ?

Look at her.. maybe she got a pair of sunglasses, wah.. this sunglass quite unique hor ? How come got stripe on the side, is it the limited edition ? You like this is because of the stripe is it ? What else got in this range ? If she ask you why so kaypoh, aiyo, buy present for girl different mah, we guys very ah gu wan, always buy T-shirt n chocolate, next time buy present for sister, cousin, must know what girl like mah !

If got kids, ask how they are doing, how old, what kids like to do and make it a point to bring it up next time you meet for lunch or break..

So, you see immediately you can use this method of pushing the conversation to the girl which will help you. Generally, avoid topics on religion, politics, sex. Practice hard and start with mum. Time to buy yr mum favourite snack and practice pushing conversation method .. how did you meet dad ? Last time what you like to do ? Aiyo, I agree with you.. you so blind marry him .. what you see in him ? Is like playing computer game, praCtice practice practice. .. play play play then perfect...

Now, if you want to fish, you go to water. If you want to catch wild boar go jungle. If you sit in front of pc every weekend, you expect got target or got girl come to your door ? Of course not. Similarly you go to basketball court or indoor football court, you expect to see long hair doe eyed girls or sweaty boys ? Logic right ? If you go to pub got girls but with boyfriends and noisy how to connect n talk ? Even if you Korean boyband looks, she won't approach you because her bf is there or her girlfriends there and she cannot lose face and so easy to open her legs go approach you or dance with you right ?

Look for girls in correct places. A yoga pilates class, a dance class or a play or a concert got more girls. Again, how to make that intro ? So best target is a ex-classmate outing, an CC organised trip to Malaysia, a volunteer event (this one good as many help needed and got sub-committee work in small teams). Then extend your kill-zone.. go for run together with ex-classmates in some fun run or fun activities and they bring their sisters or other friends. Drama plays and concerts good but it is not the event but the before (dinner before concert) and after event (supper after play) that is the key, not the event itself.. at the event,few opportunity to talk as watching mah.. again apply the same technique.. wah, the main actor not bad but I liked the person who played the.. you leh ? You like who ? Why ?

In the push technique has only one key element.. you must be truthful and don't action actsy borak.. just keep it to plain opinions which you believe in.. if that stripe on sunglasses look horrible, the main actor stinks.. don't throw mud and slime.. focus on something that she (not you) can say something positive about.

Start talking to girls..

PS: I want to say that better don't try on MLs or FLs.. you might be shunned as they want to do the deed collect $$ and scoot off or they will KC you.. and you as a newbie will be suckered.. even old birds like us can be kc-ed.

TS - at least take the time to read what this bro has written.
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  #27  
Old 20-03-2019, 05:01 PM
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ibanezjem555 ibanezjem555 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Quote:
Originally Posted by leakypipes View Post
TS - at least take the time to read what this bro has written.
Thanks Bro Leakypipes for support. Up my points to you for your patience in reading my post.

Today, I meet my bank relations officer. Usually, I don't meet such people, but her WhatsApp profile photo super chio... Ok lah go see her face to face..

Alamak, profile picture and real face different, (not sure she learnt this from SB.. ha ha..), look older n more office like, straight long hair no Korean curls leh... Never mind lah, still OK pretty lah.. practice my method of talk on her.. nothing to lose right ? Words only mah !

Suddenly, halfway she offered me cash $500 and vouchers worth $1800.. Ok.. practise skills, practice skills.. also no ring on her engagement finger.. she started talking on her family issues (I hint my family issues same as hers.. so that she can yak).. hey hey hey.. suddenly in midst of talking, she offered me another plan with $4000 cash upfront... Really or not ? Play cool.. told her let me think.i give her answer a few days time.. wah.. next time sign, collect money can pretend my treat to celebrate her closing a deal which is actually a date.. ha ha..

Bro TS, I no smart, many bros here smarter n more experienced sweeter talker than me. But I look at your situation is ok leh, you got money n time to lavish on girl or go for spa and practise hee hee ha ha talking on ML. Don't be pessimistic lah. No dilemma lah. You just need to get out of the house and take all opportunities to socialise more..
  #28  
Old 20-03-2019, 08:07 PM
cashstar1213 cashstar1213 is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

Thank you for all the bros for your time in contributing to this thread. I have been following all the replies bit by bit when i am free.

I started an image change: Got a new haircut, buy more casual clothing for weekends, go for some gathering which friends invited to which i will normally not go to, start to slowly interact with other colleagues (At least a Goodbye, see u tmr/Good morning, how are u doing?). The only hard part is stepping out to meet new ppl. Guess that will take some time but i don think its un-doable.

Like many bros said, go do things that i have not tried before, explore the world, go work out, be humble. Most importantly: Be positive and it will give yourself some confidence!

Greatly appreciate all the suggestions for things to try be it the bright side ones or the darker side ones haha.
  #29  
Old 21-03-2019, 02:05 PM
sexresearcher sexresearcher is offline
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Re: Dilemma of a pessimistic average guy...

First and foremost, get your dick fixed. Phimosis is not a good thing for any male at 28 who should be fucking at more than 3X a day without pain inflicting to your turtle head or self ego. For fuck sake....literally.

Fix your self image: go to an expensive gym and also church. You will meet alot of chio-bus in the latter. You do not need me to point out which one in Singapore has more than 20,000 attendees every single weekend. Half makes it 10,000 for your picking since you also fuck older women.

Finally, are you investing that 100K sitting around? You can easily draw $400 dividends from it per month. That will pay for the most expensive gym your heart desires and see girls in hot yoga pants in the CBD. I hope your self imposed 'home detention' is not wasted time not beefing up in your passive income knowledge and instead feeding into your self defeatist attitude.

Last but not least, go sign up a dating platform where you can meet people for casual meet ups so that you are in the game. You do not need to be serious but take it as a 'rebound' platform for your future serious gf or wife. Do those above steps first then dating platform last using gym left over monies from passive income.

You can thank me later......
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Old 30-03-2019, 04:40 PM
Datingafter35 Datingafter35 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cashstar1213 View Post
Thank you for all the bros for your time in contributing to this thread. I have been following all the replies bit by bit when i am free.

I started an image change: Got a new haircut, buy more casual clothing for weekends, go for some gathering which friends invited to which i will normally not go to, start to slowly interact with other colleagues (At least a Goodbye, see u tmr/Good morning, how are u doing?). The only hard part is stepping out to meet new ppl. Guess that will take some time but i don think its un-doable.

Like many bros said, go do things that i have not tried before, explore the world, go work out, be humble. Most importantly: Be positive and it will give yourself some confidence!

Greatly appreciate all the suggestions for things to try be it the bright side ones or the darker side ones haha.
2 things. Don't tell any women you have money save. Let them you have invested for dividends and long term growth.

Reject any offers to buy any insurance or get rich quick scheme until your dick is inside them. Even then drag. Don't buy.

Lastly. Don't invest any money on any women until you had poke her or she has invested her pussy, money and time. You'll be very broke fast if you use money to attract.

The younger the girl. The more options she has. Don't throw money to buy her attention. You will be left with nothing. Your first option is to get a gf. Lube your bro. Upgrade your comfort zone and test your chances.

Aim low. Then upgrade. Even if you have one gf. Have others or have multiple dates unless she has committed time, money and pussy.

I lost a house and money because of pussy.
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