[kenstud27]

I picked up the phone and tried to call JY but all I got was a recorded message that the line has been terminated. I went over to her place after work and there was a notice pasted on the front gate indicating that the unit had been put up for rental. I guessed that’s it, unless she contacts me herself, there was no other means for me to contact her. The guilt building up in my heart really taken a toll on me mentally. I kept dreaming about how she looked that fateful night at her place. I never meant to hurt her but I know that what ever has been done cannot be undone. I only wished that I have the chance to see her once more and tell her I am sorry but what good is that going to be? So ironic, hurting the one person that looks like M the most.

The next few days in office was all about JY’s unexpected departure. Everyone was talking about it quietly, gossiping and speculating what could have happened. Some suggested it could be more than just family, maybe there was a guy involved? But no one ever seen her with anyone else and that she usually hangs out with her colleagues so no one ever saw anyone else with her. One lady even said:

Lady: 老总，一定是你！一来就把我们的大美女给吓走了！哈哈！Boos, must be you! Once you arrived you scared away our pretty girl! Haha!

Of course that statement was meant to be a joke but they had no idea how spot on they were. The guilt was literally eating me alive inside. I didn’t tell anyone about our relationship, not even Ms. C. 1 week plus had past since JY left, slowly, all the gossips and conversation about her died down. She became old news but she was still in my mind all the time. Especially when I come into office and gazed upon her desk with disappointment. And when ever I sat down on my desk and that missing cup of coffee she always prepared before I come into office. Sigh….some people just doesn’t deserve good things.

End of the week, another weekend coming, looking forward to seeing Ms. C later that night. The morning mail came and there was a few for me but as I was still caught up with some work so I just left them untouched on my tray. It was noon time and everyone was getting ready to go out for lunch but I had still some work to be done so I told my team to go ahead without me, just helped me to get some packed food back. Once everyone left, I went to the pantry to get myself another cup of coffee. While going back to my room after that, I stood for a moment at JY’s desk and thought about her. Remembering her smell, her smile, how she always seems to cheer up my day or how I would never missed a chance to go out lunch with her. Maybe just 1 more time, I hoped. But I knew the damaged had been done and that will never happen again. I got back to my seat and lunged myself down on my chair, I turned and faced the window, looking out in daze. Knowing that I probably won’t have the mood to continue on my work, I decided to check my mails. Going through the stack, there was a particular piece that caught my eye. Instead of the usual machine typed wordings, this one was hand written. Why do I feel like I seen this handwriting before somewhere? It was quite thick so I decided to read this one first. Eager to find out who it was from as there was no company address or return address, I carefully opened it with my letter opener. I pulled out a piece of paper filled with wording and a pouch. A very unique pouch but there was nothing inside so I began to unfold the letter to read.

“当你收到这封信的时候，我已经走了。请不要尝试联络我。现在我需要时间冷静。我们之间虽然只是一夜恩情但 是关于你的全部，我怕用尽所藏文辞也无法全然表达。那天晚上你走了，在我这泓平静的心湖中，泛起缭乱的涟漪 ，我根本无法自拔对你的思念。我是多么希望你会回头来出现在我面前。

你的出现，让我感到无限的爱与关怀。其实，我第一次在餐馆见到你的时候就对你有好感了。你的言行举止都深深 的印我心里。但是人生之路，仿佛环形的跑道，终点和起点在一起：旧的终点，就是新的起点。终点为昨日留下记 录；起点，预示着更美好的明天。可是，我始终没有在终点见到我最想见到的人。
我以为能天天见到你，就是没有任何接触我也心甘情愿。可是，当我见到你们一起亲热的时候，那个心里有一种说 不出的痛。好像被背叛一样。在我心里的那个人，是多么的正直和温柔，怎么和眼前这个完全不一样？？我心碎了 ，我不知道然后再面对你。其实，都是我自己的胡思乱想因为你根本不属于我。所以反复的想了又想，我最后还是 决定离开。我不知道需要多久才能忘记你，也许可能会一辈子都记得你吧。

就在这即将分别之际，屋里墙上布满我的哀愁，我站在举棋不定的船头，不知道会飘向哪一个港口。 心灰意冷的失恋人也曾经向你有过温柔，送别之际是否该将过往光阴全都没收。 苦涩之时，我喝下一杯解闷酒，长恨歌勉强得口中流。酒香渲染了景色，乌篷船浸入景中，云淡风轻 ，静香暗涌。 此刻，我想起与你度过的点滴，心中藏不住的幸福。为你的回眸一笑，换我一夜的苍老。 我的拥抱，是否传递着离别的伤情，你的柔情温暖我的心田，却是即将失去的温柔，是否换回曾经的 青然松巾。 苦叹岁月无情，爱之退潮谁能料，就用这一抹微笑，为这份相思画下句号，为这份感情添上一笔色彩。我们没有告 别，却走向各自的远方，没有言语，更没有眼泪，只有永恒的思念和祝福，在彼此的心中发出深沉的共鸣。茫茫人 海，让你我瞬间相聚又瞬间相离，然而你我的心永远相知与默契。

这个小腰包是我亲手做的，本来是打算在圣诞节给你的。虽然不是什么贵重的东西，但是还是希望你 会喜欢。

我爱你。

再见。

When you received this letter, I will be already gone. Please do not try to contact me. Now I need time to calm down. Although we are only been together for one night but all about you, I am afraid that I can't fully express myself even if i exhausted my means. When you left that night, in my heart, there was an uproar, and I could not exhale your thoughts. How I hope you will come back to me.

Knowing you has made me felt infinite love and care. In fact, the first time I met you at the restaurant, I was already attracted to you. Your words and actions were deeply imprinted in my heart. But the road of life is like a ring runway, an end point, and a starting point. The old end is the new starting point. The end point left records for yesterday; the starting point indicates a better tomorrow. However, I never saw the person I most wanted to see at the finish line.

I thought I could see you every day, that is, I did not have any contact with me would be enough. However, when I saw you affectionately together with Ms. C, there was an unspeakable pain in my heart. It seems to be shouting betrayal. How is this the same person in my heart. How is this completely different from what was in front of me? ? My heart wass broken. I don't know if I can ever face you again. In fact, it was all my own wishful thinking because the truth is that you never belong to me. So I thought again and again, and I finally decided to leave. I don't know how long it will take to forget you, maybe I will remember you forever.

At this moment of separation, the walls of the house were full of my sadness. I stood on the bow of an uncertain chessboard and did not know which port I would float to. Disheartened lovers have also been gentle to you, and you should forget your past. But I was bitter, I drank a glass of boring wine, and my hate was strong. The wines bring out the scenery, and the pontoon is immersed in the scenery. It is light and quiet. At this moment, I think of the happiness I had with you. Waiting for your smile but all I ever got was a night of waiting in vain. Whether or not how I felt conveyed through my pain, I will always remember your tenderness which warms my heart, but it is the tenderness that will soon be lost. Sadly, who can expect the ebb of love, to use this smile, for our relation to draw a full stop, add a touch of color to this feeling. We did not say goodbye, but we went to our own distant place. There were no words, no tears. Only eternal thoughts and blessings sent deep resonance in each other's hearts. The vast sea of ​​people makes you and me meet instantly and instantly, but your heart and I know each other forever.

I have made this pouch for you, was planning to give you during Christmas. Although it is nothing expensive but I still hoped you like it.

I love you.

Goodbye.”

There was creased patches in the letter and I knew she must have teared a lot while writing this letter. I clutched the pouch tightly against my chest, thank you JY. I don’t deserve you and you definitely deserve someone whom will love and treasure you. I wish you all the best and may you find happiness, wherever you are.

*To be continued*