my affair with my sis in law

[fireball9]

I have read and finished this thread one shot today, i couldn't believe i got sucked in into reading your story to the end. Screw you SeowLang!!!!! Im crying so hard that i couldn't stop...love can be so heartbreaking...darn...i can't stop crying...i just can't...

[seowlang]

Originally Posted by henabi

Kinda feel that you don't wish to commit into another relationship.

A part of me died when I signed the divorce papers. But somehow, deep down inside, I just could never forget J even though it has almost been 5 years when it all started. I know nothing can come out of this even though I am divorced from her sis. I am just clinging on to the past and unable to let go. Our meetup over the weekend really didn't help. I had a hidden agenda to meet up with her.. I just wanted to see her...

[tiredstrides]

Will you be contented just to see her?

Cus who will be only contented to only see... Meeting her will only serve to make you want her more..

Nevertheless, please continue on...

You have another supporter here.

[henabi]

Originally Posted by seowlang

A part of me died when I signed the divorce papers. But somehow, deep down inside, I just could never forget J even though it has almost been 5 years when it all started. I know nothing can come out of this even though I am divorced from her sis. I am just clinging on to the past and unable to let go. Our meetup over the weekend really didn't help. I had a hidden agenda to meet up with her.. I just wanted to see her...

everyone needs a form of emotional support to channel or focus onto. It could be a hobbit. It could be work. It could even be a person.

i see nothing wrong with your desire to re-kindle your hidden lust for J.
from what i see it... J can kinda keep you in sanity =)

[DTCEPL]

Originally Posted by seowlang

Anyway, i am dreally surprised that I took it not too badly and started going back to my normal life and spending much more time at work. It's only at night when I'm all alone that's where it gets really really lonely sometimes Mo

Yeah, nites, weekends and public holidays are normally the tougher times to get by when one is alone, its cold, quiet and lonely without family warm around! I can understand that very well.

Do you go to the extend of talking to myself (no offence meant Bro)?

[Botakhead2]

Let her go, let J go, don't think about the past.

It won't do anybody any good.

Start afresh, start anew. There are better GF more deserving for you to love, openly and publicly.

[discordpiggy]

Originally Posted by seowlang

Its not that I totally didn’t see it coming at all. I have suspected something wasn’t right when my wife began to go out with her colleagues very often after work since the beginning of last year. As we spend lesser and lesser time together due to our heavy work commitment, I do admit that things were going a little stale. We hardly talk even when we have the chance to be at home together. In the last few months, we have been quarreling over minute stuffs and her recent heavy spending on clothes and bags, something which she didn’t use to do.

Since our tiff last Saturday with her saying that she has lost feelings for me, I began to strongly suspect she could be seeing someone. Or am I thinking too much?

I sent a whatsapp msg to J on Sunday morning.

Me: “Your sis asked for a divorce last night. Do you know something that I don’t?”

J: “What!!! What did you do to her?”

I was infuriated by that statement.

M: “Is that how you always see me?? That I am always at fault and if anything goes wrong, it must be me?”

J: “ok ok.. I am sorry. Didn’t mean it that way. Was just shocked. I see if I can meet up with her later to find out”

J and I have been back on regular talking terms since the end of last year. I guess she has finally put our past behind. I even bumped into her once after work and we were for supper together, just the two of us. She has been very focus on her work, so much so that she didn’t even have time to be in a relationship after her breakoff with her boyfriend middle of last year. About an hour later, J whatsapp me again saying she is meeting her sis for dinner. J msg me again later that night before my wife came back.

J: ”Doesn’t look good. She said there is no love left in the marriage.” I was dumbfounded. This is absolutely crazy coming from my wife. She is the one that changed, not me. I continued providing for the family. I gave her everything she wanted. Why is this happening? Is this karma?

Bro seowlang, I just finished reading your story out of sheer curiosity but I am not going to say much because many of the bros and sis have given you words of encouragement/slashing and advice, whatever you may call it and I also know you are merely letting out your pent up emotions like your own personal journal.

I would take a neutral stand on this because I am not the actual person and neither will i condemn your actions because I believe despite you know that its wrong, as a human being you are made of flesh and blood and having feelings too.

I can only say, what goes round come round, in full circle aka karma as you have already quoted in your own post. and that you saw it coming...

However, I have also heard 2 other bros personal story on divorce... it is a strange thing on the women's part that I am quite somehow puzzled about.

The women in these 2 divorces seem to know something hence the change of their behaviour. the 1st instance is where this bro went for commercial sex for the 10 years out of his 12 year old marriage and his wife did not know but she had an affair and they ended up in divorced last year.

The 2nd case was this bro's wife had an affair with her boss after their 3rd year into marriage out of the 4 year old marriage, but he claimed that during the marriage he DID NOT FOOL around, provided for the family, but merely have paid sex INTERNATIONALLY in all the countries where he visited for his out station assignments with International FRs. they ended in a divorced last year and this pair had 2 little kids - 2yo and 4yo.

I have heard of too many instances of divorces since I started working in the mid 90s and wonder why the sudden change in the women's characters and attitudes. I have come to a conclusion that a women's intuition is very strong. They wouldn't change like the weather if they had not known something is amiss. On the surface it may seem the men had gone for commercial sex which legally speaking is it not cause for divorce but regardless, even it is a man having an affair with another woman, deep down inside their wives could feel somewhat amiss, betrayal which caused them to change later.

When your wife said there's no love in the marriage, it seems she already knew something wasn't right and she could no longer feel for you.

I admired your courage for putting yourself in such a mess and had to live through hell. And then again, I wouldn't wanna be in your shoes going through the rollercoaster of emotions and not knowing when this hurt/pain/uneasiness/loneliness is going to end.

As what everyone has advice you to move on, it is easier said than done. You decide now. You really have to pick up and make the change yourself and insist upon, sever ties with your SIL to end this chapter of your life... Love the memories, keep it. And since you have signed the divorced papers with your wife, and you know yourself that you are not going to gain anything out of it if this is to go on.

Your army buddy, Ah Keong is funny!!! Bro seowlang, you are now "retrenched"!!! Yes, you are the financially stable old cham uncle, can sit alone and open a bottle everyday... u need a buddy to repeat your story, can call me!!! I am thirsty!!!! weather is HOT!!!

As what bro MarIswar said and quoted from Sam Hui's famous song 浪子心声 - 命里有时终须有, 命里无时莫强求...

for all you know, this turn of events is fated and is something you must live through it... something good and exciting may show up later... IF only you move on from this chapter of your life...

Best wishes to you!

I leave you with a song that I find the lyrics really meaningful.

想要跟你一起走到最后
但我遗失了地图
谁给谁束缚 谁比谁辛苦
爱到深处才会领悟
好的事情 最后虽然结束
感动十分 就有十分满足
谢谢你 是你陪我走过那些路
痛 是以后无法再给你幸福
好的事情 也许能够重复
感动时分 就算纷纷模糊
不要哭 至少你和我记得很清楚
爱 是为彼此祝福

[Siriusam]

Hi TS, you do realize that it is only thrilling because having an affair with SIL is like eating a forbidden fruit. Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest. But you would never initiate divorce with your wife in the first place because the one you truly love is your wife.

Let J go, you have tasted the forbidden fruit already. And now that you're divorced (sorry to hear about it btw), J is no longer a forbidden fruit, thus losing the appeal, thrill & desire even if you can have her. Correct me if I'm wrong though.. the feelings you have for J is just infatuation, not true love.

It explains why when you signed the papers, a part inside of you died. The best thing to do now is to move on from the divorce and J as well. I know it would be hard and very sad thing to do, but hey, we only live once right? Best to make the rest of our days meaningful and purposeful, rather than dwelling over the past. Good luck in everything you do, think with your head, not your heart.

[divedeeper]

Originally Posted by seowlang

A part of me died when I signed the divorce papers. But somehow, deep down inside, I just could never forget J even though it has almost been 5 years when it all started. I know nothing can come out of this even though I am divorced from her sis. I am just clinging on to the past and unable to let go. Our meetup over the weekend really didn't help. I had a hidden agenda to meet up with her.. I just wanted to see her...

Bro, if you have feelings for J, your agenda shouldn't be hidden. You should tell her. If she is interested or not, she will tell you. That way you can go in one direction or the other, without looking back. Now that you are single, you shouldn't bury yourself in work, only to be alone in the evenings. You should be with someone. If not with J, then with someone else.

[yang punk]

SL
You did not elaborate much what happened between the time you split with J and your divorce with your wife.

J is still unmarried right? How many relationships had she been thru since then and why she can't find a suitable partner? Perhaps she still can't find that someone special that can replace the feelings she had (still have?) for you.

Why did your wife give up on you? You said sex was not a priority with her so could she have fallen in love with one of her colleagues and started having an affair? Obviously you have changed since J broke up with you. Unconsciously you have taken it out on your wife, like not wanting to start a family, not wanting intimacy with her, spending more time getting drunk, etc...

Well now you are free and J is still single. You said you love her and can't get her out of your mind. She too had claimed undying love for you. Of course a relationship between ex-in laws is still taboo in our society, but not impossible if you two are really in love. If her mother and sister can accept you again fine. If your ex-wife have found new love she will be more magnanimous towards your relationship with her sister (but never ever reveal your affair with her before your divorce!).

Worst come to the worst, and if both your mutual love for each other is strong enough, you both can always consider migration.

All the best to you.

[yang punk]

Btw TS, I am not sympathetic towards you! We only heard your side of the story which is obviously skewered in your favour. By your own admission you led a hedonistic life after breaking up with J. You probably made no attempt to salvage your marriage with your wife.

When you told J your wife proposed divorce and she went to talk with her sister but you did not elaborate what she found out and whether she reported back to you. J is no longer a young naive schoolgirl she can probably digest what her sister told her and judge for herself what you are worth.

If you truly love J let her decide for herself what she wants...do not bug her. If she is fated to be yours she will come back to you.

[s3xd3vi1]

Waiting for updates from bro seowlang

[comm]

Bro its ur fault la

Ride the tiger, now kenna eaten by it

Long affair with SIL, what outcome did u expect...

[NRider]

Pitching my tent for more updates ..


..

[Shawning]

Oh my god! I ran quickly from page 31 to here only to find out ur getting a divorce :'(( noooooooo!