Was going through the forum and stumbled upon this thread.. I shall wrote down what i came across on my gf then i hope older bro here with more life experience can give his worths of comment.
Girlfriend used to be quite open and "fall easily in loves with guys that attracted her" and she wouldnt hasitate to broke off with then current bf and try to woo the new guy. But thats the past till she met me(thats what she claimed), she was a really good gf during our relationship, giving me plenty of her times. Don't know after how long since we are together, i noticed her enjoyed using those kind of social apps on her smartphones chatting with random guy strangers online and when i asked her, she then came clean that she wanted to make new friends and she only find it easier to chat with guys more then girls(bullshit please) and i did came across of her incoming msg on her hp when she's away and caught a glimpse of the text and out of curiosity, i looked into her hp further.. Those text are more of those flirty and sexual types, and there are even msg that the guy asked my gf to go to a hotel with him and i was glad that my gf actually rejected him and thats the reason for me to keep my silent about the msg that i saw.. After that i somehow developed the habits of going through my gf's hp when she's not around(i know that is not right but no guy can control it after what i saw previously), she already no longer contacting that anonymous guy but few months later when i returned home from my night shift, she was sleeping in her panty and i went thru her hp. There was this chat with another guy on Whatsapp, not sure whether is it her real life friend or some strangers again. The contents are the same as previous, flirts and sexual and there's even a picture send by the guy with his harden dick.. Sadly this time, i was disappointed by my gf's reply: "hehehe.. Hard with pre cums.." and then the guy asked her to send him a photo of her as well but she rejected him saying she will only sexting with him instead of showing her own pictures and apparently from the chatting, she did touched herself(musterbating). Seeing that she actually didn't send that guy naked pictures of her, once again i kept my silent over it. She had been good after that till about 1 year later she came to know a guy at her workplace and then they started chatting and get along quite well and so well that the guy colleagues would ask him to mind the line as my gf is attached and they know me personally as well. i was unhappy right from the very start because their workplace previously often having different part time female sales promoters for different products and most of the time, that guy would always chat them up. When such a guy get close to a girl, the girl's bf will definitely be on guard(in this case, me). At the start, my gf will still be mindful about my feelings, not chatting with him whenever i'm around and she would also told that guy that her attention should be on me whenever i'm around but that doesn't stayed long. She eventually texting him till late at night which of cause angered me and i started to tell her off. After a few days she went out with him and then became uncontactable due to flat battery on her hp, i then grew out of patience trying to contact her. i then came clean with her about how i felt about their friendship and started to question her, she strongly claimed that she treats him as a close friend that can talk about anything and cried because of me thinking that she betrayed me. however i backed down, decided to believe what she said(you guys should know how most bf will go soft hearted when their gf cried). however just 2 days later when i checked her hp,(yes, i did it again althought i tried to believe her but i just dun feel good and secured) i saw her chat with that guy saying that they still can hug but not as much as last time.(DAMN! this time felt like lighting struck me) i confronted her immediately asking her what the hell was that, she said that she only want some comfort from friends and blaaa blaaa.. which i wasn't keen, i then ask her since when did the hugging started and apperantly it started just about 1 week ago from when i found out. one things led to another i forgotten why but i decided to forgive and she promise me no more next time. When my dislike for that guy grew even stronger and obvious, she started to lied me things about him. Like telling me that she is on the way home from work while i'm on night shifts but she's isn't a good lier cox while she's telling me that she's reaching home, the background on train announced the station that is far from home. I started to scold her and tell her to go back home immediately when she admitted meeting that guy for dinner, i then told her finished the dinner and go back immediately.(i will definitely rush down to them if i'm wasn't at work) then 1 week later gf told me that she is going out with her parents and then on that very day, i called her at around 4pm asking about her etc and she said that they r still out. Knowing her dad for being the kind that lazy to go out shopping etc on his off days and then now they r out for the whole day make me feel weird and suspicious, i then do something that i never thought i was gonna do. I called gf's house and then when someone answered, i knew that i was right. Her mom actually answered the damn house phone, she was surprised that i called because she was told by gf that gf will be going out with me. I said goodbye to her mom and immediately call gf, telling her to get her ass back home before i do something crazy. She return within a hour and admitted going out with that guy again and the reason for her to lied is because i don't like him. Again i forgotten why, i forgive her and all the way till now she has been behaving well but i no longer find anymore chat on her hp which means she had been deleting them because i still caught her on the phone texting that guy as and when, or should i say they are in contact everyday and there are times i caught them return to shop from outside a few times when i poped by to wait for gf to fetch her from work. The guy already know about everything which was filled by my gf and he appeared to be afraid of me because whenever i appeared, he will immediately "ran off". The "on time" deleting of her chats only made me be on guard against her and that guy.
Fellow semsters please advised what would you do if you guys are in my shoes. And before anyone wants to pour cold water on me, i should tell you guys that i'm here on this forum, purely for the sake of reading the discussion column and i been a well behaved bf ever since i'm with this gf.
Bro, I absolutely feel for you. Mine happened before marriage but happened again even after marriage. I saw mushy messages in my wife's phone. Like you, I have never checked my wife's hp but suspicions got the better of me and I had to find out through that.
Now I don't really trust my wife anymore. How to? The trust is broken. She can offer to let me check her phone but it's pointless cos if she wants to hide, she will delete the messages.
She may love you by hiding those messages from you but it does not mean she can cheat then hide those messages from you because she loves you and don't want to hurt you. What's she proving? That you are too good to let go? They just want to have the best of both worlds.
If a person truly cares about you, they would go the distance to care about you which includes not cheating. If you (girl/guy included) are deleting your messages, that's already cheating.
A relationship should fundamentally be very simple, guy love girl, girl love guy. But our society has evolved (I should say devolve) into a pathetic state where we share the love (feelings) outside of the relationship.
From a guy that cheated, and then was cheated on. Things always come a full circle.
If a person truly cares about you, they would go the distance to care about you which includes not cheating. If you (girl/guy included) are deleting your messages, that's already cheating.
A relationship should fundamentally be very simple, guy love girl, girl love guy. But our society has evolved (I should say devolve) into a pathetic state where we share the love (feelings) outside of the relationship.
From a guy that cheated, and then was cheated on. Things always come a full circle.
very agree with what u said, society dynamics has changed way too much, perhaps in a negative manner.
It has, and it has deteriorated to such a point that you feel like, how the fuck can you get a wife when 6/10 of the wives out there are cheating? If you were to really sit down and think, love and relationships in its simplest form should be pure and straightforward.
Btw funlover bro, I'm sorry to be brutally honest to you. She has already cheated on you, and if someone has the thought of cheating on you in the first place. Maybe you aren't that important to her. Cause if you were, why would she not think about losing you? From what you wrote, you have believed everything that she have said, and used them as excuses for yourself to make yourself believe that she has not cheated. You will find 10,000 more excuses for yourself until one day it explodes right in your face. It will not be pretty. Then you will find and think of 20,000 more reasons what have you not done good enough or done well enough or did wrong before that has caused it to happen to you.
I hope I'm wrong, but I guarantee she has cheated. Because like I said, deleting messages is already cheating by itself. Even texting intimately like how you should text only to your gf/bf, and doing it to other people outside of the relationship, is by itself cheating.
It has, and it has deteriorated to such a point that you feel like, how the fuck can you get a wife when 6/10 of the wives out there are cheating? If you were to really sit down and think, love and relationships in its simplest form should be pure and straightforward.
Btw funlover bro, I'm sorry to be brutally honest to you. She has already cheated on you, and if someone has the thought of cheating on you in the first place. Maybe you aren't that important to her. Cause if you were, why would she not think about losing you? From what you wrote, you have believed everything that she have said, and used them as excuses for yourself to make yourself believe that she has not cheated. You will find 10,000 more excuses for yourself until one day it explodes right in your face. It will not be pretty. Then you will find and think of 20,000 more reasons what have you not done good enough or done well enough or did wrong before that has caused it to happen to you.
I hope I'm wrong, but I guarantee she has cheated. Because like I said, deleting messages is already cheating by itself. Even texting intimately like how you should text only to your gf/bf, and doing it to other people outside of the relationship, is by itself cheating.
Good luck and be strong
have to agree with you. i hope funlover bro doesnt wait till the day it explodes. while its pain to leave, it will only get even more painful the longer you wait.
It has, and it has deteriorated to such a point that you feel like, how the fuck can you get a wife when 6/10 of the wives out there are cheating? If you were to really sit down and think, love and relationships in its simplest form should be pure and straightforward.
Btw funlover bro, I'm sorry to be brutally honest to you. She has already cheated on you, and if someone has the thought of cheating on you in the first place. Maybe you aren't that important to her. Cause if you were, why would she not think about losing you? From what you wrote, you have believed everything that she have said, and used them as excuses for yourself to make yourself believe that she has not cheated. You will find 10,000 more excuses for yourself until one day it explodes right in your face. It will not be pretty. Then you will find and think of 20,000 more reasons what have you not done good enough or done well enough or did wrong before that has caused it to happen to you.
I hope I'm wrong, but I guarantee she has cheated. Because like I said, deleting messages is already cheating by itself. Even texting intimately like how you should text only to your gf/bf, and doing it to other people outside of the relationship, is by itself cheating.
Thanks all bros for their precious advices and comments. I think what i really need now is to have a clear and open heart talk with her to know where our relationship stands. From what i wrote previously, most bros would had broken up with the gf on those different occasions of mine. I admit that it is hard to give up a 9 years relationship and also with the BTO in mind made it even hard to bring an end to it therefore i decided to forgave her so many times. I do agreed that if the times dragged longer till i finally gave up, the damages and "losts" would be even bigger. Whether can i carry on with her should solely depends on the outcome of the talk..
Thanks all bros for their precious advices and comments. I think what i really need now is to have a clear and open heart talk with her to know where our relationship stands. From what i wrote previously, most bros would had broken up with the gf on those different occasions of mine. I admit that it is hard to give up a 9 years relationship and also with the BTO in mind made it even hard to bring an end to it therefore i decided to forgave her so many times. I do agreed that if the times dragged longer till i finally gave up, the damages and "losts" would be even bigger. Whether can i carry on with her should solely depends on the outcome of the talk..
Thanks a lot to those bros that contributed..
Can't sleep even at 6am or working night shift? When I found out about my wife cheating on me, I couldn't sleep well. At 3am, I would leave the house to go for a massage at those 24hr MP.
You were together for 9 years. I was pretty close. We dated for 8 years and tied the knot.
Just to let you know, the open heart to heart talk will likely not yield anything permanent. After I found out, we had countless talks. Each time it ended well because the girl will ok this ok that. But days later or weeks later, you will start to feel insecure again. This will go on until you get immune and start to trust her again and then wham! History repeats itself.mBy then it will hurt more because you are married. If you have kids, worse.
I wouldn't say I would stay single because of this as I have learned to be stronger through all these exposures. Yes it definitely hurts. The pressure in the chest area, the breathlessness, the sadness, I have been through it. I can't say I've been through every sh!t but I will definitely not remarry if I could get a divorce.
Bro hard disk, I fully agree with what you say. Though my relationship was not as long, it was only 2 years. But we were already talking about getting married next year and all the plans. When it all happened, we had talks after talks. I even flew to another country just to meet her to talk it out. But did it work? No.
Like some other bros said before somewhere, if the girl's heart has waivered, changed even just a little, whatever talk will not matter. Maybe it can help knock some sense, and make things better by a little. But what's broken has been broken. 9 years is a long time yes. But can you imagine doing all that for the rest of your life after marriage and kids? Where you still have to constantly worry? Will marriage change her? Maybe, but likely not.
To all the bros, I'm not trying to tell everyone to break up with their seemingly cheating gf. Do not get me wrong. I just don't want anyone to go through that kind of pain, it's a special kind of pain compared to a normal break up. It breaks you as a human being, as a man especially.
Thanks all bros for the concerns.. She really is a good gf which i cherish a lot and i strongly believe that she wouldn't want to leave me. Because right now financially i'm in quite a bad shape honestly speaking, she could make use of that reason to break up with me but she didn't and in fact she's been helping me to clears some of my bills and credit cards statements with her own pay. I been asking myself is it because of my jealousy being too strong or something, she clearly let me feel love and wanted whenever she is with me but just that she would often get beyond her mind about my feelings whenver she was excited or in the moods etc..
Can't sleep even at 6am or working night shift? When I found out about my wife cheating on me, I couldn't sleep well. At 3am, I would leave the house to go for a massage at those 24hr MP.
No bro.. I'm on off and cause of night shift, my body clock is messed up therefore can't fall asleep at night.. I wasn't in unhappy mood because she been behaving really good for quite sometime now, i'm sharing it because i stumbled upon this thread not that i'm purposely trying to post it...
No bro.. I'm on off and cause of night shift, my body clock is messed up therefore can't fall asleep at night.. I wasn't in unhappy mood because she been behaving really good for quite sometime now, i'm sharing it because i stumbled upon this thread not that i'm purposely trying to post it...
Ok bro. Good to hear you are in a positive mindset now.
Thanks all bros for the concerns.. She really is a good gf which i cherish a lot and i strongly believe that she wouldn't want to leave me. Because right now financially i'm in quite a bad shape honestly speaking, she could make use of that reason to break up with me but she didn't and in fact she's been helping me to clears some of my bills and credit cards statements with her own pay. I been asking myself is it because of my jealousy being too strong or something, she clearly let me feel love and wanted whenever she is with me but just that she would often get beyond her mind about my feelings whenver she was excited or in the moods etc..
She's not leaving you because you have your set of good points which she cannot find in other people. That's why you are still together after 9 years. In a good light, it's not the $ but the love and happy moments that keep a couple together.
In a relationship, there are ups and downs. If you are able to look beyond this part (her occasional high behavior when some attractive/eligible men cross her path), I would say you are quite successful in the trust department. Eventually she will stick to you faithfully because you've been a part of her these 9 years.
Question is, are you able to take another shot of this check-hand phone, sexting, denying every few years?
For me although my wife to be is good and loyal to me..
But I always will be suspicious of her doing bad things..
Because previously she is a very out going person that have alot of males friends..
I believe Maybe she have pasts that I dunno or I am just paranoid.. haiis
Women are the most difficult creature to understand on earth. If you don't show them concern & control them, they'll think you don't love her enough. Too much of that & you're labelled as a control freak.
It's just like sailing, you need to check the weather & trim the sails to your benefit and then watch the waves, tides and look out for hidden reefs! It's like relationships, trim too much or too little & you'll have a problem. You need to take it easy, learn hard and find the sweet spot.
Everybody has a story to tell, some are blend, some are wild and if you're going to live with one then you'd need to face the present & future. It's no point looking at the past to torment yourself. Do you have kids to worry about?
I hate it when the woman starts checking on your phone, a thing I wouldn't do because once it reaches that status then the relationship is as good as over but if you want to cheat then press the delete button!
28-10-2014, 09:10 PM
Re: Do you trust your gf/wife?
